In case you didn't hear -- and judging by Seattle's attendance, you haven't! -- Bichiro tied the Major League record by amassing at least 200 hits in eight consecutive seasons. He did so with three hits Wednesday night against Kansas City, matching the Royals' offensive output for the entire month of September in the process.
So what does this have to do with Cleveland or Pittsburgh? Well, about 15 months ago, Bichiro and the Mariners played a makeup game at Jacobs Field after snow assaulted Cleveland during April. Before that trip, our favorite Asian made the following statement through an interpreter:
"To tell the truth, I'm not excited to go to Cleveland, but we have to. If I ever saw myself saying I'm excited going to Cleveland, I'd punch myself in the face, because I'm lying."
Oh Bichiro, you're so funny!
You're also a very talented baseball player, judging by your eight All-Star selections, seven Gold Gloves, one MVP award, one Rookie of the Year award, and single-season record of 262 hits.
It's a resume that would make any baseball fan blush, and this latest achievement only further solidifies your status as one of the greatest hitters in baseball history.
Sure, your quote about Cleveland was unkind and disrespectful, but if you think I'm some kind of petulant five-year-old who still holds a grudge...
...well you're GOD DAMN RIGHT!
The 20 Greatest Moments of Bichiro's Life
20. Bichiro is born in 1973
Actually, it was more fun for his parents. Bichiro was unintended.
19. Bichiro hits the first inside-the-park homer in All-Star history in 2007
Fittingly enough, this totally gay accomplishment happened in San Francisco.
18. Bichiro and the Mariners blow a 12-run lead against the Tribe in 2001
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
17. Bichiro helps Japan win the 2006 World Baseball Classic
Both fans who watched were absolutely enthralled.
16. Bichiro bats .350 with 242 hits in his rookie season
His .222 average and four hits in the ALCS are uber-impressed.
15. Bichiro signs with the Mariners in 2000
He's the first Japanese-born position player in Major League Baseball...and he still can't speak English.
14. Bichiro writes the word "concentration" on his glove as a Little Leaguer
Guess he wanted to honor that World War II entente.
13. Bichiro appears on a Japanese TV drama in 2006
Even Shaquille O'Neal thought his acting sucked.
12. Bichiro collects his 3,000th professional hit in 2008
But some of them came in a lesser league, so he has Bobby Bowden's support.
11. Bichiro breaks a record with his 199th single in 2004
He later celebrates by dropping 199 singles at a strip club.
'Sumwun say scrip club?10. Bichiro joins the Japanese Baseball Hall of Fame
Raise your hand if you knew the Japanese Baseball Hall of Fame existed.
9. Bichiro leads the Orix BlueWave to the 1996 Japan Series title
Raise your hand if you knew the Japan Series existed.
8. Bichiro is called "the human batting machine" by the Japanese press
Suge Knight adds Bichiro to his posse shortly after.
7. Bichiro and his wife move into the same neighborhood as Bill Gates
Bichiro couldn't figure out Windows Vista even if he spoke English.
6. Bichiro and the Mariners win 116 games in 2001
MLB's ad campaign claims "There's only one October." The same could be said of Bichiro's career.
5. Bichiro appears on the cover of Time Magazine in 2004
Clearly, there wasn't much going on at the time.
4. Bichiro ties the record by amassing 200 hits in eight straight seasons
It's a victory for arbitrary statistics everywhere.
3. Bichiro hits .505 in high school
But just .105 with the ladies.
2. Bichiro signs a five-year contract extension in 2007
He won't actually receive all $90 million until 2032. Maybe he'll be able to speak English by then.
1. Bichiro moves to Cleveland
He punches himself unconscious. The midges take care of the rest.
1 comment:
I'm starting to think you are just angry at anyone not interested in Cleveland...
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