This Could Be Interesting

Well, I turned on the TV expecting to see slaughter and bloodshed on the ESPN's. After all, with the Worldwide Leader touting the slogan that "Every underdog is dangerous" in anticipation of USC's match-up with Oregon State, it seemed that the stage was set for a serious beatdown. Never mind that Oregon State won the last time they played USC in Corvallis, this Trojan team just got done picking Ohio State out of its teeth--this would be no sweat. Well imagine my surprise when I flip to ESPN and see the little score box (no, not Erin Andrews) telling me that Oregon State is up 14-0. Furthermore, the first play I saw was a USC fumble, followed by a tipped-ball touchdown at the end of the first half for a score of 21-0 at the half.

I had to liveblog it. So, here you go.

(All times Eastern, all grammar poor. There will be no pictures, so 90% of our readers should probably just forget about this one.)

10:46--Mark May tells us that USC needs to solve their problems on offense by "finding a way to score." What would happen if the government was asked about a way to fix the financial crisis on Wall Street and they said, "Figure out a way to save some of this money."

10:51--On-camera shot in the booth shows us that Jesse Palmer ties a tie like a reluctant 9th grader at Catholic school. The tie is supposed to hit your belt, Bachelor.

10:54--USC forces a 3 and out on the Beavers' first possession and Joe McKnight dances around for a few yards on the punt return. If something's going to happen for the Trojans, methinks it'd help if it started now.

10:56--I feel I should remind everyone: Oregon State lost to Penn State by 31 points this year and just plain lost to Stanford. The latter part of that alone should make USC fans cringe.

11:00--USC goes for it on 4th and 9 from the OSU 40, and they get it. First possible chink in the armor. Oregon State's going to lose this game--and as I type that, USC scores.

11:07--Every time I hear about Oregon State wide receiver Sammie Stroughter, all I think about is Sally Struthers. Sally Struthers is not much of a big play threat.

11:15--I switch to ESPNEWS to watch Pirates/Brewers highlights--I'm rooting for the Brewers, by the way. I'm happy, because Ryan Braun ends the game with a walkoff grand slam. Ahh, the Buccos. Best part is, they named the pitcher that gave it up, and I'd never heard of him in my life. Way to make it tough on Milwaukee.

11:16--Annnd I turn back, and USC is scoring again. Uh oh.

11:20--Chris Fowler talks about a USC receiver studying a lot of tape with his quarterback. I wonder if this really takes place. Are they really sitting in their idle hours, studying tape and breaking down the intricacies of the game, so as to get better? Or do they just go, "Fuck it, I go to USC and I'm awesome," and then bang 15 co-eds apiece. My bet is on the latter.

11:27--Oregon State gets a crucial 3rd down conversion deep in its own territory, then starts a-gashing USC again for some yardage. Perhaps USC needs to fuel up with more hookers on the sideline? Eh? Eh? I'm sure Leinart's there somewhere, he should be able to help.

11:34--Sally Struthers can't make a catch for a first down on 3rd and 13. Sally is having one rough game. This team is starving for a big play.

11:42--Oregon State manages to stop USC, which is amazing in and of itself, and actually starts moving the ball. Meanwhile, every pass Oregon State throws where a USC player is in the vicinity is termed a "risky play" by the ESPN crew. We get it guys, they're underdogs.

11:46--Oregon State's punter rips off his third or fourth ugly looking kick of the night, but this one miraculously rolls all the way to the 6-yard line. This means it'll take 2 minutes for USC to tie the game, instead of a minute and a half.

11:53--Hey! Oregon State just forced a punt. They've got the ball! They're moving the ball! Hey! (This entry is funnier if you imagine Harry Caray saying it.)

11:56--Oregon State misses a field goal that would have made it a 2-score game. That's page 1 out of the losing team handbook.

12:10--Guess what? Oregon State is still winning. I'm surprised. Are you?

12:25--Um, Oregon State just won. Holy shit. You surprised? I am.

Well USC goes down, and I'm too tired to make another hookers and blow joke.

Goodnight. God bless. Turn out your lights before bed.