The Untitled Football Project v2

Oh hey there, it's me, FLS, your happy recapper! Without further ado, let's talk week 4, shall we?

The Bills did what Bison typically do to Rams, that being run them over. Except these bison were exceptionally thorough in their demolition, in that they got Scott Linehan fired. (PS: I told you it wouldn't be long, Scott!) This firing will be good for precisely 1 total win this year for the Rams. Meanwhile, the Bills are 4-0 and I'll be damned if that's not impressive.

In Tennesse, the Titans also moved to 4-0, beating up on the Vikings and making people forget that their franchise quarterback is a basketcase with a bum knee. If this keeps up, the Titans might win an actual game in the playoffs! Oh, and Gus Frerotte got hurt--so the Vikings are totally fucked now.

The fightin' Matt Ryans fell to 2-2, after getting punched in the mouth by Steve Smith and the Panthers. Carolina is now 3-1 and Chris Berman should be saying, "Daylight come and you gotta Delhomme" enough pretty soon to make anyone queasy.

Denver lost by 14 to Kansas City and holy hell do I look like a raging genius for what I said last week. 8-8 indeed. Oh, and Larry Johnson rediscovered professional football again too. He should be back to his best sport, pouting, in a few days.

New Orleans beat on J.T. O'Sullivan and the 49ers, effectively bringing them back to earth but doing nothing to make me think that a)they're a good team and b)the 49ers aren't going to win the NFC west anyway.

The Jets put up fif...BRETT FAVRE BRETT FAVRE BRETT FAVRE BRETT FAVRE BRETT FAVRE BRETT FAVRE BRETT FAVRE BRETT FAVRE BRETT FAVRE WHAT A CANNON STILL GOT HIS FASTBALL TOUGHEST PLAYER IN THE GAME A TRUE LEGEND WHAT A GUNSLINGER HE JUST LOVES TO PLAY FOOTBALL WHAT A COMPETITOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

The Bucs beat the Packers, with Matt Bryant providing the winning points. I am sending nothing but sympathy to the man and his family. Period.

Jacksonville took down Houston in OT, evening their record, and setting the stage for a 3-game winning streak, because the Steelers will be forced to dress random fans for their Sunday night showdown this week.

Cleveland and Cincinnati set football back 50 years. I refuse to tell you who won, because everyone that watched or participated in this game was a loser.

Kyle Orton put down the bottle of Jack Daniels long enough to guide Ditka to a surprising win over the Eagles. The Eagles fans are now convinced their team is going to go 2-14 this season.

The Steelers beat the Ravens in OT, in a game I will have plenty more to say about in my next post. Seriously, I'll write a lot more words in general about it. Maybe even throw in some pictures, you greedy spoiled bastards.

Washington topped Dallas, in Dallas, and Terrell Owens started the laborious process of alienating an entire fanbase and team anew. There is only one logical spot for this piece of cancer and phlegm to go in his career, and it's...

Oakland, a team that blew another lead and lost to Whale's Vagina. Only in Oakland could T.O. co-exist peacefully, primarily because Al Davis is the only other person associated in any way, shape or form with the NFL who is more unlikable than T.O. Well, except for Jim Richards, that ball boy for the Cardinals. What a fucker. Anyway, Davis fired his promising young coach, Lane Kiffin, and said he wouldn't pay him the remainder of the contract, either, because that same ploy worked so well years ago with Mike Shanahan. Al Davis is so far the only owner I know of to run a team with one and a half feet in the grave. I cannot wait until he is dead. Plain and simple.

FAKE E-MAIL OF THE WEEK

"Hi there, FLS. Just wondering what you'd suggest for a guy in my situation. I'm talented but aging, revered by many and reviled by some, and I might have lost a step, but most announcers and media types tell me I can still play. So what would you do if you were me? Keep playing? Or quit while I'm ahead?"

--Brett F., New York, NY

"Hey Brett, easy solution for you. Cut off your arms and legs. This therapy is a great way to reduce temptation."

FUCK YOU OF THE WEEK

Fuck you, Al Davis and Terrell Owens. Al, you're a decrepit sack of piss, with no idea whatsoever how to run a football team. I can't wait to watch your press conference today, only because there's about a 10% chance you'll die during it. And that would be sweet. And fuck you, Terrell Owens. Before you start calling out teammates and destroying a Super Bowl favorite, perhaps you should focus on catching the ball on a regular basis, seeing as you've never been good at it. I would laugh and laugh and laugh if you tore up both knees while trying to go after one of your teammates. Really, I would. And I'd laugh even harder if, immediately after this happened, you were hit by a bus and then consumed whole by a gang of angry fire ants.

UNRELATED ITEM OF THE WEEK

Human Tetris. Watch and enjoy.