Never mind the Cleveland Browns, here's the bollocks

"The Browns are downright stable. We're making headlines for the right reasons. It's as refreshing as it is strange."

- posted by me yesterday night

"Browns wideout Braylon Edwards was running a sprint in his socks when fellow receiver Donte' Stallworth stepped on the back of his foot and opened a cut that required stitches and a night in the hospital."

- posted by the AP 18 hours later

Thank you, Donte' Stepworth and Big-Play Brainless, for restoring order to the NFL preseason and giving people a reason to point and laugh at us.

Apparently, the receivers were sprinting against each other after practice Saturday, and Edwards won. In traditional Browns tongue, that roughly translates to "Stallworth got jealous so he cleated Edwards' heel."

"You saw what Stallworth did! Go for his feet!"

Romeo Crennel wouldn't say when Edwards would return to practice, and the hospital wouldn't reveal how many stitches he needed.

However you slice it, this has to be one of the reasons we signed Stallworth to a seven-year, $35 million deal. What good are receptions, touchdowns and versatility in a No. 2 receiver without the ability to injure teammates?

Y'know, kid, I can gash your hand for a more permanent autograph

Derek Anderson, your sex scandal with Playmate of the Year and fellow Scappoosian Sara Jean Underwood is on the clock.