Anthony Smith=Tremendous Waste

Given the events of about a week and a half ago at Steelers' training camp, I'd say we have a front-runner for Dipshit Pittsburgh Athlete of the Year Award, or as it is more commonly known, the Derek Bell Award. The dumbass in question is Anthony Smith, the Steelers' safety who has been described by some as having a body "chiseled from granite," but who unfortunately is described by all as having a brain "molded from Silly Putty."

Smith's crime was pretty simple: He laid out Hines Ward in a non-contact drill. Even if Smith hadn't pulled this stunt last year with Willie Reid, it would still be the pinnacle of stupidity. Ward is a borderline HOF'er, the Steelers' longest tenured player, an undisputed team leader and a guy that has battled injuries for the past few years. Risking an injury to him is inexcusable. Smith is a guy that guaranteed a win against the Patriots and got burnt. Smith is not Hines Ward. Smith is not even Dedric Ward, and some would argue he does not even approach Sela Ward. But I digress.

The most troubling/amusing part about the Smith/Ward saga is the fact that Smith doesn't seem to think that his practice antics and overall poor play have put him on the hot seat. He seems unconcerned that every other player in coach in camp is speculating on his future with the team, instead talking about making small adjustments in the remaining pre-season game. Unfortunately for everyone in the 7 county metropolitan area, due to an injury to local high school product Ryan Mundy, and the continued Marinovich-induced gimpiness of Troy Polamalu, it looks like Smith will last through this year, even though everyone pretty much hates him.

Still, since I can't stand the guy so much, I have dreamt up a few ways to get him out of the team's collective hair:

--Fight to the death with Steve Smith of the Panthers (only true winners are the fans)
--Fight to the death with Kellen Winslow Jr. (on free tv, no less)
--Post-lunch snack for Casey Hampton
--Enema of hydrochloric acid
--Clamp eyelids open, tie him to a chair, and force him to watch A-Rod/Madonna sex tapes
--Clamp eyelids open, tie him to a chair, and force him to watch tape from last year's Pats game
--Feed him to the lions, a la ancient Rome
--Make him play for the Detroit Lions
--Deportation to Philadelphia
--Paint picture of famous teammates on brick wall, watch as he attempts to tackle them until he knocks himself unconscious
--Cast him as buddy sidekick in next Eddie Murphy vehicle
--Four words: Rosie O'Donnell's Loofah Manager
--Make him start boy band with Chad Hermansen, Kevin McClatchy, Matt Morris and Dave Littlefield

Or, they could just, you know, release him.

(God I hope.)