GUS: Honey, I'm heading off to the dentist for my tooth cleaning! I don't know if I'll be back by five but I'M GONNA TRY MY BEST!
WIFE: All right, sweetheart.
Gus drives over to the dentist's.
DENTIST: Well, Gus, good to see you again.
GUS: Good to see you too, Doc!
DENTIST: Ready to get started?
GUS: YES SIRRRR!
DENTIST: Go ahead and lie down in that chair.
Gus lies down.
DENTIST: First, we'll clean out your mouth. Here's a cup of water. Swish that around in your mouth a bit and then spit it out into the sink by the chair.
GUS: DOWN IT GOES! THIS WATER IS EXCELLENT!
DENTIST: All right, now I'm going to give you a local anesthetic.
GUS: THEY LOCALIZED ANESTHESIA? IMPOSSIBLE!
DENTIST: It's just to numb you so you don't feel any pain. You'll still be awake during the cleaning.
GUS: No need, Doc! I watched Allan Houston's runner to knock out the Heat before I came here! I CAN'T FEEL A THING!
DENTIST: Well, if you say so.
GUS: I gotta ask, Doc, WHICH TOOTH IS THE DIRTIEST? IS IT MY LATERAL INCISOR? TELL ME IT'S MY LATERAL INCISOR!
DENTIST: Uh, several of them could use a good cleaning. That's why you're here.
GUS: UNBELIEVABLE!
DENTIST: OK, just tilt your head back for me.
GUS: RISE AND FIRE, DOC!
DENTIST: Oh, looks like you've got some tartar buildup just under your gumline.
GUS: TARTAR STRIKES AGAIN! INCONCEIVABLE!
DENTIST: Let me just remove that for you. There we go.
GUS: DOCTOR YOU DEFINE CLUTCH!
DENTIST: Thank you.
GUS: Make sure you SPIFF UP MY MOLARS!
DENTIST: Your molars are fine. I'm almost finished. There.
GUS: How much is this appointment gonna cost me!
DENTIST: Check with my receptionist Linda up front, but it's usually around $135.
GUS: ONE-HUNDRED AND THIRTY-FIVE DOLLARS? UNFATHOMABLE!
DENTIST: It's not a cheap procedure, but it is worthwhile.
GUS: I'm not mad, Doc! I'm STUPEFIED BY OUR SKYROCKETING HEALTH CARE COSTS!
DENTIST: Yeah, it's pinching everybody right now. Anyway, have a good day and I'll see you again soon.
Gus walks out to the front desk.
GUS: MY APPOINTMENT IS ALL OVER!
LINDA: Why are you yelling?
GUS: Because I was a little nervous coming in! TREPIDATION! APPREHENSION! CONSTERNATION!
LINDA: Your bill is $134.67.
GUS: THAT'S THIRTY-THREE CENTS CHEAPER THAN WHAT DOC TOLD ME! DO YOU TAKE VISA?
LINDA: We sure do.
GUS: INCREDIBLE! IT TRULY IS EVERYWHERE I WANT TO BE!
LINDA: Thank you, Mr. Johnson. Here's your receipt. Have a nice day.
GUS: I SURE WILL!
Join us next time for more excitement with Gus Johnson.
