Better Know an Arizona Cardinal: Neil Rackers

Neil Rackers doesn't need to be the center of attention, unlike SOME kickers in this game. Neil likes to spend quiet nights at home, or the occasional night out for a few drinks with his wife Rachel. You might think that this makes Rackers a boring, lame guy, but if you looked at a picture of his wife, you'd probably change her tune.


That's my kind of woman.

Coming later tonight, I'll offer a Super Bowl pick, and maybe DJMJ will too. These are picks guaranteed to lose you money and make you hate your life even more than you do.

Better Know an Arizona Cardinal: Tim Hightower

Tim Hightower likes chocolate. Loves the damn stuff. When Hightower was a kid, he did a short stint in Juvy for stealing 650 Nestle Crunch bars from various grocery stores in his native Truth or Consequences, New Mexico. Hightower also loves marijuana and especially loves smoking up whilst listening to Jimi Hendrix. Hightower's friends always laugh at this amusing coincidence, but Hightower still doesn't understand what's so funny.

Tim Hightower is a deputized officer in his adopted home country of Ecuador.

Better Know an Arizona Cardinal: Kurt Warner

Through the grace of God, Kurt Warner found his way to the desert, and has led the Cardinals to the verge of the ultimate glory. Except, of course, HIS ultimate glory, which clearly overshadows any worldly glory, especially worldly glory involving making a nice pass for the Barnstormers, or perfectly packing someone's canned goods and fragile yogurt cups. That kind of glory blows donkey dick. Anyway, Kurt Warner, imbued with the power of the Lord (except during his time in New York, whereupon the Lord said, "Nah, ain't helping you out broseph") is well on his way to the Hall of Fame, an inconceivable destination for a man with such an "interesting" career path. Oh, and Kurt would like to personally thank the Lord for making Brenda realize her sneaky hotness and ditch the "I look like a 45-year old glamour lesbian" look. Really, thanks God.

Kurt Warner's favorite band, ironically, is Cannibal Corpse. Says he loves the melodies.

Better Know an Arizona Cardinal: Matt Leinart

Matt Leinart loves college freshmen, Nickelback and date rape, in that order. He wears number 7 as an homage to his childhood hero, Spider-Man. Matt Leinart is a hermaphrodite. He also claims to be a vegan, though this is actually just another front he uses to meet impressionable girls trying to "make a difference." All Matt knows is that he can feel them making a difference--in his pants.

Better Know an Arizona Cardinal

With a little over one week to go until the Super Bowl, it has come to my attention that while the majority of the viewing public is familiar with the Pittsburgh Steelers, most people (including most of Phoenix) know little about the Cardinals. With that in mind, Creative Differences will try to help you better know an Arizona Cardinal. First up: Linebacker Karlos Dansby.



Karlos Dansby wears uniform number 58 because he hates Heinz products and considers himself "above" them. As a result, he goes to great lengths to find Hunt's ketchup products, which isn't always an easy proposition. Additionally, his first name was spelled Carlos until he was old enough to change it, at which point he switched to a "K" because he loves Mortal Kombat. Karlos hates all of the Four Seasons' music, preferring Neil Diamond to pump himself up on gameday.

Dansby is also a virgin.