Cleveland clip-up 2008

Football season is way too much fun. You can't even put it into words. Not because it's indescribable, but because it would take too long to list all the reasons why.

It would also take too long to list every reason I should've stopped watching football and supporting the Browns over the years, but here are some.

1) 0-3 vs. Pittsburgh in 1994

Still my favorite Browns team ever. Hot diggity damn those games pissed me off.

2) Move to Baltimore after the 1995 season

This killed me. It tore away my absolute favorite sports team and pushed me toward Brett Favre and the Packers for awhile.

3) Tim Couch

Hey, we're the ones who used the top pick on a football player from a basketball school.

4) Super Bowl XXXV

The franchise wins the Super Bowl five seasons after leaving? And Fart Blowhell gets the Lombardi Trophy? Weak, dude. Seriously, weak.

5) The Butch Davis era

Hollywood had Michael Cimino and Heaven's Gate, the NFL had Botch Davis and the Browns.

The only thing greater than his passion for America...was his passion for giving Cleveland the clap

6) 0-3 vs. Pittsburgh in 2002

What a fucking shitting cocking ballsing thing to re-live.

7) Kellen's keen judgment

Broken fibulas and motorcycle crashes go great with NFL contracts.

8) Bill Belichick wins three Super Bowls

Our last coach before Shart Hotel moved the team, he suddenly became the greatest playoff coach ever. And his only playoff victory in Cleveland...was against New England.

9) Pittsburgh wins a Super Bowl

My hilarious parody -- "Pitts-burgh chokes be-fore the Suuu-per Bowl, Steel-ers blow" -- ceases to be appropriate.

10) Steelers 27, Browns 7, 12/7/2006

A terrible culmination of recent struggles that I first shared with FLS at a sports bar and later shared with Brother Love crushing 40s. I repeatedly described my team as "a bad joke, only I'm not laughing."

Might as well have been me

11) Derek Anderson's pick party

Two days before Christmas, DA doled out four footballs to his guests in Cincinnati. Zai jain, 2007 postseason!

I could include Red Right 88, the Drive and the Fumble, but I'd rather stick to stuff I've experienced personally. I could also include the pain of watching Tennessee beat Indianapolis to clinch the final playoff spot last season, but despite its setbacks, 2007 was a gift from God.

Out of nowhere, we had a dynamic, highly skilled offense and an exceptional special teams unit that counteracted our dreadful defense. We won 10 games, something we hadn't done since 1994, and games in November and December actually meant something more than seeing which teams would gain ground in the playoff race by beating us.

Most importantly (and most selfishly), I had fun watching the Browns. Boy, did I ever have fun watching the Browns. I cheered with what-the-hell excitement when we hung 51 points on the Bengals. I blasted Naughty By Nature's "Jamboree" in celebration of Jamal Lewis' four-touchdown game against Seattle. I cheered with more what-the-hell excitement when Phil Dawson snuck that field goal between the uprights to force overtime in Baltimore. I fist-pumped the shit out of my apartment when we went ahead 27-10 in a key game against Houston. I celebrated uncontrollably when we blanked Buffalo in the snow to seize control of our playoff destiny.

Last season had another signature moment, perhaps more important than the rest, and it came, surprisingly enough, during Week 1's debacle against the Steelers. Already losing 24-0 at home, Lawrence Vickers scored our first touchdown in the third quarter and started doing some big floppy donkey dance. Of all the people to recognize the stupidity of such an action, Kellen Winslow Jr. was the one who ran over and angrily told him to knock it off. You know, the Kellen Winslow Jr. who claimed to be a bleepin' soldier at Miami and had a temper hotter than Carrie Underwood.

Gaaaah, what was I talking about?

From that moment, it was clear that this was a different Browns team. It wasn't clear that we were about to win 10 of our last 15 games, or that several units would become so potent, or that we would vault into a trendy Super Bowl pick with one solid offseason.

But the attitude was definitely different.

And that brings me to my main point. To everyone, from the rest of the NFL to Francois Leroux Speedskater and the rest of the Steeler fans I pretend to like, I serve this statement:

Clip up.

We've got an incredible offense that added speed freak Donte' Stallworth, a defense that slimmed down one phase to potentially fix everything, and arguably the strongest special teams unit in the league.

No fancy little guarantees, no cute little predictions, just clip up. Top to bottom, we have the most talented roster in the AFC North. Which doesn't mean we'll win jack shit. But it does mean I'm as excited for this season as I've ever been for any sports season.

And to FLS specifically, I have two rules for our inevitable Browns-Steelers hate-slinging:

1) No personal attacks.

Everything else in the world is a target, but you yourself are not.

2) No pre-emptive picture striking.

I know you've got a humorous photo of Brady Quinn up your sleeve, and I'm sure there's more where that came from. But I won't use any anti-Browns pictures in pro-Browns posts just to steal your thunder. Seriously, that's lame.

Ben's fiance...they haven't set a date

Let the season begin.