Creative Differences Off-topic: Facebook, Middle Names and You

I could spend days, weeks, months, virtually any length of time talking about things that I don't like. In fact, I've already done so before. This list includes but is not limited to: People that drink domestic beers and then make fun of people that drink craft beers, people that drink craft beers and make fun of people that drink domestic beers, Pennsylvania drivers, the sadness I feel when a great cut of meat is poorly cooked, sales jobs, sales managers, etc.

However, the one thing that's been pissing me off for months now is the ongoing trend I've seen on facebook: Putting your middle name in as your last name, instead of, you know, using your real last name. I was going to give a few people I know a pass about this, because they're teachers, and some small part of me can at least see a little bit of logic in that, but then I realized that the only people that are doing it are teachers. So with that in mind, everyone gets it.

The ironic thing about this trend is that it started in part because, as facebook started to morph into a professional networking tool, people did not want their prospective employers to find them in various states of undress, drunkenness, or my favorite, and preferred style, both. Amusingly enough, these people, who are the same ones who have sanitized their profiles beyond belief, are the ones that might well have a potential employer look for them on facebook and not be able to find them. Imagine that you'd taken the time to clean up your facebook and listed all your jobs and achievements and dreams to change the world (you fucking hippie) and had even taken the time to leave that group about wanting to beat your high school english teacher to death with a tire iron because he just made life miserable for everyone, dude, and then joining ones about saving puppies and the like, and no one could find you because your fucking posted name was Kimberly Ann. Not only do you now sound like a stripper, you also feel like one--anonymous and alone.

Maybe if people had the goddamn balls to just adjust their privacy settings to "super duper private", this wouldn't be such a fucking headache for my eyes. If an employer thinks you're some world-beater and hires you and three weeks into the job you're coming in hung over on a Tuesday, you think they might start regretting that decision and thinking a little less of you? Oh, and teachers? Just FUCKING DENY FRIEND REQUESTS! You're not there for these idiot kids you're teaching to be your best buddies, you're there to teach them. I wrote an article about this subject of profile cleansing and the like for a large college newspaper a few years ago (your annual clue as to my identity) and the response was lukewarm. By lukewarm, I mean that everyone was so busy scrubbing their facebook pages with disinfectant that it looked like no one had actually ever gone to college, they'd just claimed a degree. A facebook profile for someone between the ages of 18 and 25 should have some rocking pictures and good stuff on it. It's the business of a hiring company whether they put stock in what you have on what, at it's core, is simply a fun social networking site, or what you've actually achieved in your life. If they don't like it, fuck 'em, and for fuck's sake, keep your last name.