There are few athletes in the world, maybe none, that I despise more than Ronny Paulino. That is why I am very pleased to announce, after first taking two days to celebrate nonstop, that Ronny Paulino is no longer a member of the Pittsburgh Pirates. Thanks to a genius trade, he is now the Phillies' problem, and oh, what a problem he is. (Oh, by the way Phillies fans, a sack of used baseballs would have been a fair price for this pile of excrement, you didn't have to give us an actual player.)
You would think that a professional baseball player, even a minor league guy, would know one of the golden rules of hitting: Don't step in the bucket. As in, don't step towards third base if you're a right-handed hitter, or towards first base if you're a lefty. You would also think that a major league player wouldn't be a fat and utterly worthless sack lymph and grease. Ronny Paulino was both ignorant of this golden rule and a fat sack of lymph and grease. He also might have been the single laziest player in Major League Baseball. I can't honestly remember him running hard on any ball he put in play. He could ground into a double play on a hard-hit ball to the outfield, if the fielder was ambitious enough. I find it miraculous that he didn't get thrown out at least once by a rocket-armed right fielder on a grounder through the hole.
Paulino was arrogant, stupid, wanted a trade, and essentially worthless. He was almost as bad as Derek Bell, which is staggering to say, but quite true. If I never ever hear anything about Ronny Paulino again, it will be a great day in the neighborhood. Adios, motherfucker, you won't be missed.
No comments:
Post a Comment