To do so, they'll have to be different from the 122 teams Cleveland has fielded since the Browns won the NFL championship in 1964. Different isn't always bad. Different can be good.
The time has comeFor those who are different
To stand United
LeBron James is Wolverine
The vicious leader of the team who's capable of great things and is willing to work with a motley crew of individuals. The only difference: Wolverine wasn't actually born with an adamantium skeleton. Pussy.
Zydrunas Ilgauskas is Professor X
Shaved head? Check. Seniority? Check. An incapacitated body? For the most part, yes. Telepathic abilities? Unknown.
Sasha Pavlovic is Cyclops
He looks weird with two eyes. And he's not as important as he thinks he is.
Mo Williams is Nightcrawler
Our insanely fast point guard will start at the top of the key and POOF he'll be at the basket or POOF the ball will be in the corner for an open trey.
Daniel Gibson is Iceman
Watch him during the playoffs. Period.
Shirt wasn't blue before Boobie put it onBen Wallace is Colossus
Slow, plodding, and a quiet guy who's always in the background and lost his original family (Detroit). But that steel body helps.
Wally Szczerbiak is Banshee
The pasty-white guard/forward who causes nausea, disorientation and unconsciousness with his shooting, which in turn causes the fans to fire sonic screams in his direction.
Eric Snow is Beast
Older, wiser and more behind the scenes. If you were going to make movies about the Cavs, he wouldn't pop up until the third one.
J.J. Hickson is Archangel
All reports from summer league and training camp: Hickson can fly.
Anderson Varejao is Gambit
Andy charges the team with kinetic energy off the bench. He's got excellent agility and reflexes. And oh, that hair.
I guarawntee I'll destroy your Polly PocketsDelonte West is the Multiple Man
When he unleashes his speed in the lane, it's like he's in six different places.
Darnell Jackson is Longshot
A more obscure member of the team who doesn't have great powers, so he relies on probability and a hardcore workout regimen.
Tarence Kinsey, Lorenzen Wright, Lance Allred, Michael Dickerson, Ronald Dupree, and Jawad Williams are the Xavier Institute Students
Recent additions who are being trained to join the team, although any of the last four could be cut altogether.
Mike Brown is Magneto
Sometimes the villain, sometimes an ally, his manipulation of defensive fields is undeniably powerful.
So stands the team of Hex-Men, ready to change the losing mentality and restore prosperity to Cleveland. It's a slow process, but what can I say?
Every few decades, evolution leaps forward.
1 comment:
My how quickly the love of the Browns has been lost. So much talk of the supposed Cleveland football team (I haven't seen one) and you are already dropping them for the Cavs. You sir, are a shell of your former, honest, sports-loving self. I will honor the man that used to be known as DJMJ.
R.I.P. DJMJ - The true Cleveland sports fan...
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