Casey at the Fat

Let's hear it for Squeelers defensive tackle Casey Hampton, the rotund center of Pukesburgh's 3-4 defense who gobbles up blockers and, apparently, whole pastry shops. See, Squeelers coach Mike Tomlin placed Hampton on the Physically Unable to Perform List, not because he's hurt, not because of a family emergency, but because he couldn't finish a conditioning test at camp.

So you'd think it'd be something really arduous, like a course or drill that tests things like strength, speed, stamina, explosion, agility and instincts all at once. You'd think. Instead, ol' Big Snack couldn't finish eight separate 100-yard sprints. I'd bet Hampton 30 sliders that anyone who's ever played high school-level sports could do that, but I'd apparently be mistaken.

In any case, the Tomlinator won't stand for this, and neither would I. The Squeelers are renowned for their work ethic and attitude, and Hampton's situation isn't funny, so you won't see me post any pictures just to mock him.


Nope, as much as I hate the Steelers, you won't get me to bite.


There will be no pictures insinuating anything about his weight problem.


Not a chance.


However, Casey Hamburger is now more appealing to the franchise's typical female fans.


So cheer up, Squeelers nation. The Tomlinator can still whip Casey Hampton into shape, and Hampton can still return to camp and move back into the crater he creates at nose tackle. The real problems are on the offensive line, anyway.

And even if the defensive line struggles, I won't point any fingers.


I guarantee it.