Faithfully Departed

Dearly beloved, we are gathered today to mourn the loss of two posters, men who have gone missing and must surely be dead. To the family, friends, acquaintances, fans, mooches, fuck buddies, hobos, and Chazz Reinholds who stand before us, let us fondly reflect on the faithfully departed, one Francois Leroux Speedskater and one Brother Love.

Francois Leroux Speedskater

Francois Leroux was a true "speed" skater, an amphetamine addict who couldn't bear to watch the Pirates gleefully cancel the success of the Steelers and Penguins year after year. He lovingly dubbed his Bucco adversaries "the Tony Twists", only his fists could never win this kind of battle.

Perhaps it was two recent job offerings that led to his untimely disappearance from the blog and assumed death. Jan Hrdina visited a few months ago, offering FLS a job in Sweden, to which FLS responded, "I'm never going anywhere with you again!" Shortly after, the Springfield Falcons offered this Penn State journalism graduate a job in their organization, but clearly, FLS would rather die than do anything for them.

Brother Love

As someone without an attachment to Cleveland or Pittsburgh, Brother Love must have gone mad not knowing his place in the blog. It was as if Babe Ruth had been a Yankee after 1973, as if the Phoenix Suns had signed Bryant Reeves. He must have thought it impossible to succeed under such circumstances. He must have seen it as the Rat Pack without Sinatra, the '90 Bulls without Michael Jordan, the Joel Schumacher Batman movies without homoeroticism.

This friendly, hard-drinking Irishman took with him an irrepressible spirit, an affinity for redheads, a tremendous singing voice and an undying hatred of Santa Claus. He, like FLS, will be missed.

Please, a moment of silence on their behalf.

















I would be remiss to conclude this conclave without mentioning what Brother Love once mentioned to me, that if we were ever in the unfortunate circumstance of attending his funeral, he would want us to break the walls down partying in his memory.

With that in mind...let us respectfully seize nature's most powerful aphrodisiac.