Hi, I'm back, and I apologize for the Rick Roll post. Really, it was stupid, and I'll never do anything like it again...til I do something like it again.
Without further ado, let's recap Week 6, shall we?
Indianapolis just pooped on Baltimore, and that sound you heard after the final score went up was the national media hopping back on the Colts' bandwagon, whether such mass hysteria is warranted or not. I can't wait for another season of unbeatable Colts talk, followed by a disappointing playoff exit.
Minnesota topped Detroit, but this was the classic "no winners" game. Though, if you think about it, Detroit could lose every game the rest of the season and still be winners, because they've finally shed themselves of the continuous loss that was the Matt Millen era.
Oakland's coaching switch paid off in spades, as they were up 3-0 after the first quarter. Unfortunately, football games are played for 4 quarters, and the Saints put up 34 after that first quarter. But hey, it's the coach, not the owner, that's the problem. Right.
The Jets beat the Bengals, and rumors are swirling that the Bengals are looking to address a lack of depth at running back by pursuing O.J. Simpson. Pressed for comment, coach Marvin Lewis laughed loudly, chugged Jack Daniel's, and started to cry.
Matt "Matty Ice" Ryan and Kyle "Drunk in Public" Orton staged a memorable duel of last-second heroics that surely made problem drinkers everywhere proud. Ultimately, the alcohol content and fresh, hangover free feeling of Matty Ice won out over the alcoholic tendencies of Orton.
Tampa Bay thrashed Carolina, and the Panthers are starting to prove my theory that the return of Steve Smith would hurt them correct. Otherwise, I don't care one bit about this game. These are two teams that honestly don't interest me one bit--at least not until Tampa goes back to the orange unis.
St. Louis won a game, and Jim Haslett continued his trend of acting like a horse's ass to everyone he comes into contact with. Seriously Haslett, you're yelling at a guy when your team sucks and you're 0-4? Shut the fuck up. From now on, your name is Tom Cruise, because he's an asshole too.
Houston beat Miami, but HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? MIAMI RUNS THE WILDCAT! THEY CAN'T LOSE! IT'S NOT POSSIBLE! WHAT IS GOING ON? LOUD NOISES!
Jacksonville beat on Denver, another team I predicted would go 8-8. I am so smart sometimes that I honestly don't know what to do with myself. Denver has no defense, Jay Cutler's arm will never be as strong as John Elway's, and therefore, Denver has no chance. Jacksonville isn't that good though, trust me.
Philadelphia beat San Fran. Yawn.
Green Bay beat Seattle, and you can tell that ESPN wants Aaron Rodgers to be the next Brett Favre, as they described his play as "gritty", and so on and so forth. Sorry, unless Rodgers is playing with one leg, he's not "gritty" like Favre. And I despise Favre, so I must really mean this--right?
The Cowboys and Cardinals staged a game for the ages, and the Cowboys seem to be falling apart at the seams. Felix Jones is hurt, Terence Newman is hurt, Adam Jones is suspended, and Terrell Owens is being a whiny bitch. Tony Romo is hurt too, and is supposed to miss the next 4 games, but I wouldn't be surprised if he gets back quicker once he realizes he has to spend more time with Jessica Simpson.
San Diego crushed New England, and it's now becoming pretty clear that Bill Belichek is nothing without Tom Brady or illegal videotapes.
The Browns beat the Giants. DJMJ, I'm still not worried about the Browns.
THAT'S ALL I GOT.
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