The ABCs: Week 8

I can't even begin to explain the Browns anymore. So here's Eminem, spitting part of his verse from D12's "Blow My Buzz" to try to explain them for me. Take it away, Slim.


SCHI-ZO-PHRENIA! How many of ya got it
How many motherfuckers can say they psy-chotic
How many motherfuckers can say
Their brains dry-rotted from pot
You got it like I got it or not

Thanks, Slim. I'll take it from here.

All things considered, this was a great win. Coupled with Penn State's victory last night and the Steelers' loss, this is the best football weekend I've had since....two weeks ago, when Penn State whomped Wisconsin and the Browns whomped the Giants.

Better see more first halves like that down the stretch. Derek Anderson was on target, the playbook was opened up, and Jacksonville didn't know how to react. $25 says we don't see it again next weekend.

"Can You Stand the Rain" by New Edition has been in my head all weekend. I chopped and screwed the words into an Ohio State diss Saturday night, and I'm applying the song's message of getting through rough times to rooting for the Browns. I know, I'm a wuss.

Defense clutched up again. Shaun Rogers had nine solo tackles, one blocked field goal, one sack and two acts of cannibalism. Bet those Jags linemen could've used more A1.

Every time I look at our box scores, I never see Jamal Lewis over 100 yards rushing, which is surprising. He averaged four yards a carry today, and he's an absolute workhorse who was critical in grinding out this win.

Fourth-quarter fumble recoveries don't hurt, either, and Josh Cribbs' play proved he's the best special teams player in the NFL.

He's coming to town with a few days to kill

Gotta give it up to the special teams as a whole. Other than the blocked field goal and fumble recovery, Phil Dawson nailed all three of his field goals, Dave Zastudil averaged 41.4 yards per punt and Cribbs averaged 26 yards per kick return. That'll win you a lot of games.

Half-assed "scoring" drives won't, however. We couldn't punch it in from the Jacksonville 2 in the fourth quarter, and we ended up kicking a field goal on the next drive, too, when we couldn't do more with the fumble recovery. If I want three points, I'll wait for Boobie and the Cavs this Tuesday, thank you very much.

I promise an ultra-huge Cavs preview tomorrow. RISE UP.

Just like last week, Anderson did just enough without throwing a pick to keep his job. As long as we're hanging around in the playoff chase, it's going to become more and more inappropriate to bench Anderson. Even I admit that.

Kellen Winslow missed his second game of the season today, and we improved to 2-0 without him. If you read anything into that, you're dumber than dirt.

Laughable job by the secondary in covering Matt Jones. Great job otherwise, but Jones must have partied with them Saturday night or something.

Is this snortable?

Man it felt good to watch Dennis Northcutt drop passes for someone else.

Not sure how I missed this, but despite having a receiver on our roster named Syndric Steptoe, it was Subprime Mortgage who hurt Braylon Edwards by stepping on his foot during preseason. That's ironic. Steptoe caught a 53-yard pass that set up one of our scores today. That's iconic.

Oh good, big plays have returned to the Browns' offense. I'll eat this up for the five minutes it lasts.

Penalties were non-existent for my football teams this weekend. The Browns committed one this afternoon, and Penn State didn't commit any last night. Kick ass.

Quiet. You might be able to hear a Brit who actually gave a shit about the Chargers-Saints game.

Running the football is a big part of Jacksonville's gameplan, and David Gerrard led the team with 59 yards on the ground, while Maurice Jones-Drew only had 29. Penn State's rush defense was staunch, too. Me likey.

So I guess we were 3-of-12 on third down, which is atrocious. Jacksonville was 11-of-20, which is solid, but you know what's even better? NOT HAVING TO FACE 20 THIRD DOWNS. Ha ha ha ha ha!

Pwned!

The movie is horrible otherwise, but if you ever feel compelled to watch Homer & Eddie, Jim Belushi will absolutely break your heart as a mentally retarded adult who travels across the country to reunite with his parents, who disowned him many years earlier. I can't believe he didn't receive an Oscar nomination that year.

Until Nick Sorensen heroically batted that hail mary out of Jones' hands at the end of the game, I went as insane as Whoopi Goldberg in Homer & Eddie.

Versatility has always been an important part of our offense, and eight different Browns caught passes today. Gotta give Anderson credit for that.

We finished with 63 tackles on defense, and 61 of them were solo. Is that encouraging or terrifying?

Xavier McDaniel's 1991 Sonics Fleer is the first sports card I ever owned.

WHADDUP WICHITAAAAAA

You're right if you think I'm in a good mood after this win. You're also right if you think I won't be happy until we string together two of these games in a row.

Ze objekt uv next veek's game eez to taik revenge on zose douchebags frum Baltimore.


LET'S RAVAGE SOME RATBIRDS!!