Mighty Morphin Power Rankings, Week 6

God, power rankings are great. When I get up in the morning on a Tuesday or Wednesday, I know I'll have several outlets ready to provide me with knee-jerk, snap analysis and arbitrary rankings that have NO bearing on team success. We all know several people who don't give two shits about their team's record, but rather get quite huffy if their team isn't properly placed in the power rankings. So, in the interest of pissing more people off, Creative Differences is proud to present the first edition of the "Mighty Morphin Power Rankings."

1. Tennessee Titans (5-0): What is there to say about the Titans that isn't positive? Oh, the fact that they have no real offensive stars, no gamebreaking big play threats, and a recovering alcoholic at quarterback? With the defense they play, it's tough to find fault with them in spite of everything else.

2. Pittsburgh Steelers (4-1): This seems about right, although I am not sold on them being the second best team in the league right now. It's more a reflection of where I think they could end up at the end of the season, provided their papier-mache quarterback can stay upright long enough to keep finding receivers. A lot depends on his offensive line, though, and that's a bad thing.

3. Washington Redskins (4-2): Too high, you say? Why are they higher than a 1-loss team that beat them earlier this year? Have you started to drink the crazy juice FLS? No, I just think that when the dust settles, a loss to a winless team in a classic letdown game is a lot more palatable than a loss to a 1-3 team on Monday Night Football, especially when one loss is last second, and the other is by 3 TD's.

4. New York Giants (4-1): Tough not to be a little concerned with the way they made Derek Anderson look like Johnny Unitas and abandoned the run so early against a truly ghastly Browns team. If you're the defending champs, Monday Night Football against an inept team is a time when you're supposed to handle your business. The Jints didn't.

5. Buffalo Bills (4-1): Yes, they're coming off a bye, and their last game wasn't pretty, but this team has shown that it does too many things well to be discounted, especially if Trent Edwards is healthy. Easily the class of what's shaping up to be a very iffy division, and a team that looks to be built for playoff football.

6. Dallas Cowboys (4-2): It's awfully tough for me to put them this high, but the teams that will come behind them I find to be far more fatally flawed than the 'Boys. If they can squeak by at 2-2 without Tony Romo, they'll be just dandy to end the season on a nice 5-1 tear and stroll into the playoffs, because I just don't see the rest of that division keeping up their current pace this whole year.

7. Arizona Cardinals (4-2): Can't believe I'm putting them this high, because I really don't think they're this good, and I think the rest of the season is going to bear that out. Still, they can score on anybody, and their division is awful, so that has to be worth something at this point in the game. If Warner is hurt though, they're going to come right back to the pack.

8. Tampa Bay Bucs (4-2): There are 4-2 teams that impress me, and then there are those that don't. For whatever reason, be it Jon Gruden's dislike for Jeff Garcia, a good quarterback, or something else altogether, I simply don't believe in them as a legit division winner or playoff contender. On paper, they seem to be the strongest team in the division, but we all know that the game isn't played on paper. It's played on grass. In stadiums. In front of people.

With a ball.

9. Carolina Panthers (4-2): Another team I have a hard time believing in or figuring out. I said when they were 2-0 that the return of Steve Smith would screw them up, and they've been a pedestrian 2-2 since. I'm not sure who wants to win the NFC South, but right now they're as good a choice as any to do so.

10. Indianapolis Colts (3-2): I'm really not sure if they belong this high or not, but if Pey-Pey is indeed healthy, you can bet they'll score points. The Texans gift-wrapped a game for them, else they'd be in serious trouble for the season, but it's hard to imagine them not ending up at 12-4 or 11-5 and getting in as a wild card. Still, if Manning gets hurt, they're done.

11. Denver Broncos (4-2): There is not another team in the NFL with a winning record that I'm less impressed with than the Broncos. If they had anything approaching a defense at all, I'd be inclined to say that they could stagger into the playoffs at 10-6, but I can't see Jay Cutler and friends scoring enough points to even boost them above .500 for the season. Certainly, they won't do enough to hold off the...

12. San Diego Chargers (3-3): The Chargers are an enigma, capable of blowing up anyone in the league one week, then laying a colossal egg the next. If LT gets healthy at some point, they obviously become more formidable, but whether or not that ever happens remains to be seen. Still, they look like the best in a mediocre division.

13. New York Jets (3-2): From here on, the rankings consist mostly of teams that don't excite me as possible troublemakers for the rest of the season. The Jets seem like the third best team in a division that only has one really good team, but I'm putting them above the Patriots because they're better at the quarterback position.

14. New England Patriots (3-2): Sorry Billy, but without lil' Tommy and some "advance scouting", you and your squad are nothing more than a middle of the road bunch. Nothing to see here, people, please keep moving.

15. New Orleans Saints (3-2): The run on "New" teams continues, with a group that I think will end up winning the NFC South teetering near the bottom half of the rankings. The Vikings loss was absolutely atrocious, and wins against the Raiders should only count for half at this point.

16. Atlanta Falcons (4-2): Nice story, really, but I'd like to see a few more wins against better competition before I hand Matty Ice the keys to my heart. Shame that the Georgia Dome crowd was so sparse for the pulsating finish against the Bears, but I guess ATLiens would rather get behind a convicted felon, than a guy that, you know, seems to have a knack for winning games.

17. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-3): Still have to be kicking themselves for not taking care of business against the Steelers at home, especially when it seems that their playoff lives are very tenuous, at least at this early juncture. David Garrard doesn't look like the player he was last year, and the inability of the defense to pressure the opposing quarterback is hurting them.

18. Philadelphia Eagles (3-3): Wildly inconsistent team that I was ready to anoint a contender after they beat up the Steelers, but now am not so sure about, even coming off a 14-point win on the road. If they can't stay healthy, they've got no chance, especially when it looks like 9-7 might be good for dead last within the division.

19-21. Please put the Packers, Vikings, and Bears and their 3-3 records in any order you prefer in order to fill these spots in the rankings, because I damn sure don't have a clue what separates them.

22. Cleveland Browns (2-3): Not sure if what we saw Monday night was a mirage, but if it wasn't, the Steelers might actually have some competition for the division crown after all. Still, I'm tempted to say that it was in fact a mirage, but that's just the pessimist in me.

23. Miami Dolphins (2-3): Nowhere else to put them, really, but they certainly look like a team capable of winning 7-8 games and not being a complete embarassment. What's more, since Parcells is running the show, they'll probably be good for 11 wins and a playoff spot next year. Hope springs eternal at the bottom of the rankings for you, Dolphins fans.

24. Baltimore Ravens (2-3): They simply can't score enough to be considered even an average team. It's a shame, because the D is just so good. It's almost enough to make you feel sorry for Ray Lewis, until you realize that he's Ray Lewis.

25. Houston Texans (1-4): Should be 2-3, generally fight harder than most of the teams at the end of this list, so therefore, I'll put them above at least 1 team that has more than 1 win. Still, fighting hard doesn't exactly get you anywhere in today's NFL, now does it?

26. San Francisco 49ers (2-4): J.T. O'Sullivan is starting to look kinda ehh-ish, and that's not a good thing for a team that can use any kind of good news. Still, when Arizona is your division leader, you've always got a shot.

27. Seattle Seahawks (1-4): I'll say what everyone else says: Wasn't it just a few years ago that this team was in the Super Bowl? Just pathetic all the way around. Happy trails, Holmgren.

28. Oakland Raiders (1-4): I'd really like to put them lower, but doing things to spite Al Davis, especially when he'll never see this post, just seem a little bit unnecessary--kind of like the Lane Kiffin firing. Congratulations Raider fans, you're all stuck in hell!

29. Kansas City Chiefs (1-4): So awful. They didn't trade Tony Gonzalez, Larry Johnson is in more trouble with the law, and they just seem like they don't have anything whatsoever to look at with positive feelings. Ahh, the life of a doormat.

30. St. Louis Rams (1-4): ONLY because they have a win. Trust me though, I'm rooting for them to go 1-15 and lose every remaining game by 60 so Jim Haslett can never coach another team in any capacity ever again.

31. Cincinnati Bengals (0-6): Tough call here--the Bengals stink, but they've been marginally competitive for a few games, so we can't completely trash them. However, the next team on this list can be completely trashed, and that's why they're in the basement.

32. Detroit Lions (0-5): Traded Roy Williams, their best player, for three draft picks. Can't wait to see which 3 wide receivers they decide to pick. Still, every day where Matt Millen isn't employed by the team is a good one.