"What the Hell?" for 500, Alex

I'm sorry, is it me? Did I do something wrong? Did I make a mistake over the past couple weeks that deserves to be thrown in my face like this? I don't think I did. I haven't gone out of my way to be a great samaritan, but I haven't done anything bad, either.

And yet here I sit, having just endured a sports week that included the following:

- The Steelers win the Super Bowl, just when it looked like they were going to lose

- Santonio Holmes mocks LeBron James after scoring the winning touchdown

- The Cavs play at Madison Square Garden, so all the LeBron-to-New York talk kicks back up

- Mo Williams is passed over AGAIN for an All-Star spot by David Stern

- LeBron has his historic 50-point triple-double taken away when the league office rules (and rightfully so) that one of his rebounds should have gone to Ben Wallace

- The Lakers ruin the Cavs' perfect home record

Did I miss something? I'm not used to experiencing that much heartbreak and buffoonery this time of year. Are the Browns still playing?

In either case, I hope this shit stops soon. It's my birthday on Wednesday, and I'm in no mood to spend it watching LeBron tear his ACL after hearing that Eric Mangini cut Shaun Rogers with a bunch of people chanting "Here we go Stillers" outside my apartment.

Fin.

The Draft Picks of Destiny

A long-ass fuckin' time ago in a town called Kickapoo
There lived a Laker family, Kobe through and through
But yay! There was a black sheep, and he knew just what to do

His name was young L-B and he refused to step in line
A vision he did see of fucking winning all the time
He turned the Cavs around and oh the planets did align

Oh the Lakers' balls were blazin' as he stepped into their cave
And he sliced their fucking heads off with a long and shiny blade
'Twas he who slayed the Lakers, slayed the Kobe, slayed the Luke
And if you try to fuck with him, then HE SHALL FUCK YOU TOO

GOTTA GET IT ON AND THE PARTY'S ON
I GUESS WE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT THE PARTY'S ON

Scott Boras is a Shitbag

Scott Boras on A-Rod's positive test for two different anabolic steroids in 2003 (by the way, Boras said he had heard of no positive tests):

"In a worst-case scenario, if that were true, it was one season and since then Alex has gotten the Good Housekeeping seal the last 5 years."

If you've just killed three small children just for kicks, then hacked them up and dumped them in the ocean, and you want to feel good about yourself, just dig up a record of Scott Boras' best quotes. I promise you'll feel better in no time.

All-Star Bale-out

Hi, I'm Mo Williams, point guard of the Cleveland Cavaliers. Over the past few days, a lot has been made of my not getting selected to the Eastern Conference All-Star team. I didn't get voted as a starter by the fans, then the coaches didn't choose me as a reserve, and when Magic point guard Jameer Nelson suffered a shoulder injury that prevented him from playing in the game, NBA commissioner David Stern opted to add a third Celtic instead of a second Cav.

My teammates have my back, and the Cleveland fans and media have voiced their disagreement as well. All this support is really flattering, but like I said last week, it's not a big thing for me. I'll use it as motivation to prove to everyone how good I am, and how good we are as a team.

Since everyone has been so adamant in their support, however, I feel it would be a disservice to ignore the love. Therefore, I brought in someone to argue on my behalf who can get Mr. Stern's attention.


I'll kick your FUCKING ASS, Stern! THINK for ONE SECOND! What the FUCK are you DOING? Are you PROFESSIONAL or NOT? Am I gonna walk around and run your FUCKING LEAGUE? WHAT THE FUCK IS IT WITH YOU? You got any fucking idea about "Hey, that's FUCKING DISTRACTING!" Fuck's sake, man, you're an amateur! This is the SECOND TIME you don't give a FUCK about what's going on in Cleveland! You're unbelievable, man. You're un-FUCKING-believable! Do you WANT me to go TRASH your league? DO YOU WANT ME TO FUCKING TRASH IT? You do NOT get it! You and I are DONE professionally!

FUCKIN' ASS!

Uber Mwnage

Three cheers for Celtics guard Ray Allen, who was selected Thursday by NBA commissioner David Stern to fill the final Eastern Conference All-Star spot. That spot was left vacated when Magic point guard Jameer Nelson dislocated his shoulder Monday night, and Ray went out and celebrated the achievement the best way he knew how.

By missing the game-winning shot!


Never mind the fact that Ray got a shitty excuse for a screen from Glen Davis on the play, or that the Lakers probably fouled him before the jumper. No, the story here is that (obligatory He Got Game reference!) Jesus Shuttlesworth missed a potential game-winning shot the same night he slid onto the East's All-Star roster.

His selection means three Celtics will play in Phoenix, and before Nelson's injury, Orlando had three players going as well.

But the Cavs, who currently have the best winning percentage in the conference?

Just one.

For some reason, Stern neglected to give the final spot to Cavs point guard Mo Williams, whose numbers are right on par with Allen's in every major statistical category. He's also ignoring the biggest difference: the 12 MORE WINS we have at this point compared to last year.

I'll cut my rambling short. I honestly don't care all that much, because every time someone gives the Cavs the disrespect card, they start smoking teams left and right. But I will say this. The most glaring example of the egregiousness of Stern's decision might be reflected in tomorrow's Plain Dealer, where Brian Windhorst, one of the NBA's most unbiased beat writers, openly acknowledges that Williams has been "snubbed" and "slighted."

Enough monkey business with Boston. The Lakers are 5-0 on their current six-game roadie, and the grand finale is Sunday's tilt at the Q.

23-0. Bring that shit the fuck on.

Watch and Weep

Here at Creative Differences, we made the executive decision recently to provide you with more content. We did a lot of posts during the immediate run-up to the Super Bowl, and though they weren't great, we (I) enjoyed them. Therefore, we're going to be making an attempt to post on something approaching a regular schedule, with at least 1 or 2 posts a day, as opposed to our previous M.O., which often left multi-day gaps between posts. Also, we're going to start tagging posts from here on out with our names, so as to allow you, the reader, to jump to your favorites. This of course means that I really don't have to do this, just DJMJ, because he writes all the damn good stuff here.

That said, enjoy the Manualist.

Thank you Captain Obvious

Quite the show LeBron put on at the Garden last night. But it shouldn't be about Kobe comparisons. I don't think there's any question who (a) the better player is and (b) which performance was more impressive. Seriously, 52 points on 52 percent shooting with 10 rebounds and 11 assists vs. 61 points on 62 percent shooting with 0 rebounds and three assists? Come on.

FLS actually said it best earlier this week: Kobe is a better pure scorer, and that's it. LeBron is even a better defender now, so Kobe-backers can't play that card, either. When was the last time you saw Kobe guard all five positions on the floor like LeBron has been doing for stretches this season? He's locked down the other team's most dangerous player when asked, and the Cavs are one of the NBA's best defensive teams because of it. I'll take that with the 11 assists and 10 boards over 61 points any day.

Don't give me this "Kobe just refused to lose" argument, either. Whenever the going gets tough, Kobe becomes a ballhog and doesn't trust his teammates. He never has. LeBron has always at least tried to trust them, sometimes to the point of his team's failure. Monday night, Pau Gasol had 31 points, 14 rebounds and five assists. Why didn't Kobe feed his dominance of the Knicks' soft interior defense more? Wednesday night, Mo Williams was having a really bad night from the field, and two of the Cavs' best shooters were out, so LeBron strapped the team on his back and carried it to victory. He's been doing that more frequently over the past month, but injuries and illness have hammered the Cavs during that stretch. What's Kobe's excuse? That Andrew Bynum's out? Didn't the Lakers get to the Finals last year with the roster as it's presently comprised?

There's also talk of Kobe being cheered while putting on his performance and LeBron being booed all night. Forgetting the LeBron schmoozefest during his first 50-point Garden party, could it have something to do with the fact that the last few games between the Lakers and Knicks have actually been competitive, whereas the last time the Cavs didn't beat the Knicks by 14+ was December 2007? Hmmm, team domination. I wonder how that happens?

I'm not gonna lie. This post was intended to be some sort of carnival game making fun of the Knicks' atrocious defense (all this LeBron-Kobe-Jordan talk wouldn't be around without it!), but in the end, everyone wants to keep hammering this debate, which isn't even really a debate. LeBron is 5-1 against Kobe in his last six, and as the All-Star voting has proved, LeBron doesn't need another All-Star to make his team good.

You know who thinks Kobe is better than LeBron? Laker fans. You know who thinks LeBron is better than Kobe? Just about everyone else.

They meet again this Sunday at the Q. You'll see, he'll show ya.