Laughable

ESPN Poll Question (aka, an invitation for stupid people to be heard): At age 24, which player would you rather have on your team?

Kobe Bryant: 10%
LeBron James: 30%
Michael Jordan: 59%

I'm all for respecting the past and I'm one of the first people to think that in today's instant gratification and instant publishing age, we're a little too quick to deem something the best ever...but holy living fuck, LeBron at 24 is so far superior to either of those two that it isn't even funny. If LeBron had played with Shaq at age 24 and Shaq was in his prime like he was for Kobe, their team would have won 7 straight titles and LeBron would have averaged 25 points, 20 assists and 13 boards a game. Not to mention 7 blocks. I'm not even exaggerating these numbers. He'd average nearly a quad-double with EASE.

People are fucking stupid. If LeBron keeps improving at the rate he has so far, he won't be the next Jordan, he'll simply be remembered as the best player of all time.

I'm Still Trying to Figure Out What to Say

It's almost a full two days after the Super Bowl finish, and I'm STILL at a loss for words. I promise something tomorrow. Meantime, big ups to DJMJ for fulfilling his end of the bet in utterly hilarious fashion. That's how you man up in that situation.

More tomorrow, I swear.

SIX

Consider this my resignation

When James Harrison returned his interception 100 yards for a touchdown right before halftime, it was clear to me that somewhere along the line, a member of the Rooney family did something very, very right in the eyes of God and he's decided to pay the Steelers back with an incomparable endowment of prolonged good fortune.

Of course, good fortune for the Steelers means bad fortune for people like me. As I vehemently rooted against them yesterday, I watched the Steelers march down the field and rip the Lombardi Trophy away from the Cardinals. Then, I watched Santonio Holmes celebrate his game-winning touchdown by mocking my favorite athlete and Cleveland's biggest ray of light. The way the game turned out wasn't as awful as I could have imagined. It was even worse.

A promise is a promise. Here's a stingingly anti-Browns song, set to the tune of Pittsburgh's latest Super Bowl song. But consider this my resignation from football, at least until the draft. As long as this torture is in the NFL...I won't be.


Here we go
Here we go
Here we go, Steelers, here we go
Pitts-burgh won another Suuuuper Bowl

Here we go
Cheer the Steelers, they're fierce and they're mean
Here we go
But at the same time, they're smart and they're keen
Here we go
When you watch them you can tell they have fun
They have six Lombardi Trophies and the Browns have none

Here we go
Here we go
Here we go, Steelers, here we go
Pitts-burgh won another Suuuuper Bowl

Here we go
The Browns and Steelers, they're rivals no doubt
Here we go
They hate each other, they scream and they shout
Here we go
But the Browns can't compete anymore
Don't forget, it isn't nine-teen sixty-four

Here we go
Here we go
Here we go, Steelers, here we go
Pitts-burgh won another Suuuuper Bowl

Here we go
Roethlisberger, he's ready to throw
Here we go
Defense blitzing, thank you LeBeau
Here we go
Reed's a player of the uppermost tier
He got more ass in Tampa than the Browns will all year

Here we go
Here we go
Here we go, Steelers, here we go
Pitts-burgh won another Suuuuper Bowl

Here we go
Super Bowl rings, they've reached the apex
Here we go
Filled out one hand, on to the next
Here we go
The Browns are hoping for a similar burst
But to win it all ya gotta make the playoffs first

Here we go
Here we go
Here we go, Steelers, here we go
Pitts-burgh won another Suuuuper Bowl

Here we go
Ward's amazing, oh yes it's a fact
Here we go
Harrison's strong, his name's Silverback
Here we go
I'd give a nickname to the Browns but I'm vexed
Do they make materials any softer than Kleenex?

Here we go
Here we go
Here we go, Steelers, here we go
Pitts-burgh won another Suuuuper Bowl

Here we go
Pittsburgh Steelers, the model franchise
Here we go
Top to bottom, they take the first prize
Here we go
In this blog I often like to be crass
When it comes to pro football FLS owns my ass

Here we go
Here we go
Here we go, Steelers, here we go
PITTS-BURGH WON ANOTHER SUUUUPER BOWL

HERE WE GO

Yes

No words. What a game. What a challenge. What a team (goes for both teams). What drama.

Much, much more tomorrow.

STEELERS

An offer accepted

I, DJMomJeans Esquire III, accept the terms offered by FLS in the post below. If Pittsburgh loses today, FLS cannot post for a week, and you have my word that this blog will become the most unholy place Steeler fans have ever imagined in their wildest dreams.

If Pittsburgh wins, however, FLS has the John Locke-sanctioned natural right to post anything he wants. In addition, within 24 hours, I will post the most anti-Browns song you've ever heard to the tune of Pittsburgh's latest Godawful Super Bowl song. We're known for our parodies here at Creative Differences, and this will be no different.

Them's the stakes. Good luck to all involved, which is to say fuck the Steelers.

Here's a Pick

Steelers 30, Buzzsaw 14.

I don't need to explain myself.

If my team wins, get ready for another week/month/year of non-stop "Yinzer Bile" from me. If the Buzzsaw somehow prevails, you have my word right now that I will not post for an entire week and this blog will be as Cleveland-oriented and Pittsburgh-ripping as it can be. Them's the stakes.

Enjoy the game everyone.

A Frank Appraisal of Your Looks - 50 Cents

Well howdy-doo, folks. I've stayed away from the blog this week because it's FLS' time to embrace the limelight and make fun of his opponent. I figured I'd swing by real quick and make a pick, because that's what you're looking for, right?

Isn't it obvious? I'm picking the Arizona Cardinals 843-0, which means I'm really picking the Pittsburgh Steelers, because I'm absolutely mortified at the possibility of watching them hoist a record sixth Super Bowl trophy and forcing me to wallow in their filth for another 365 fucking days, not to mention the yinzer bile that'll be spilled all over the blog.

With that in mind, here's a song I just wrote for the Steelers organization and their fans. It's called, "I Hate You Guys."


(Four harmonica notes)

I hate you guys

(Harmonica)

You guys are assholes

(Harmonica)

Especially all of you

(Harmonica)

I hate them the most


There you have it. I'm picking the Steelers, and I'm rooting for the Buzzsaw and some good commercials.

Now if you'll excuse me, I must go watch the Cavs chew up Detroit and spit them 12 games back in the standings. God forbid we lose the Pistons on the same day Pittsburgh wins the Super Bowl. Ugh.