Spontaneous homer combustion

Remember when ol’ FLS warned you of “vicious smears”?

Well sit down in that chair right there, cuz I’ve got one right here

Got back from work and had Baseball Tonight on in my room

And who else should be hosting but that daytar Steve Berthiaume!

A Boston homer, yes he is, because by gosh-darn luck

He hails from Northeast USA, a puffy Masshole fuck

Well Coco Crisp on Thursday night, he charged the mound and threw

The weakest punch you’ve ever seen (and he’s a boxer, too!)

Now Tampa Bay threw at Crisp's knees, and that’s not really cool

But like ol’ Stevie’s SATs, he came off like a fool

In any case, a brawl ensued, and Berthiaume dropped a gem

Referred to them as “Devil” Rays, and sneezed bias like phlegm

You couldn’t help but notice all the shit that Berthiaume spoke

And if it wasn’t obvious already, he’s a joke

So let’s go down the list of things that make him fucking blow

And know that he won’t understand because he’s fucking slow

He roots for Beantown, rah rah rah, the Celtics, Sox and Pats

He beats off to Tom Brady at home naked in his spats

His TV check is hefty, keeping him in solid wealth

Which probably also keeps his wife from finding someone else

He stares ahead like Hannibal, he’s lame, bug-eyed and dense

His brain atrophied in ‘01, and he’s been like that since

Berthiaume always refers to New England as “The Nation”

Stroking Boston’s fan base with some verbal masturbation

And yet somehow he landed a hot SportsCenter anchor

As his wife, and yet says “no” when she asks him to spank her

He’s lame in bed, this one chick said, and I think she would know

Let’s just say that after age five, some organs didn’t grow

Moral of the story, loyal readers, is simply this

Steve Berthiaume is a homer douche who’s ripe for being dissed

So hate on Derek Jeter, the Bambino, Thurman Munson

And if you don’t get innuendo, I fucked Cindy Brunson