Live from FLS' living room, in the style of the much-maligned Bill Simmons, away we go...
9:09--The game hasn't yet started, and already my mind is wandering to other things...like my shoes, BO, and other important shit.
9:10--Pau Gasol scores the first 2 points. Prop bettors who had Sam Cassell down for it raise their guns.
9:12--Garnett hits a J and Mike Breen tabs him one of the best jump-shooting big men in NBA history...don't the last 3 minutes of games count towards that assessment?
9:14--First hot chick in the stands sighting--nice black-haired specimen right behind Doc Rivers. She's probably doing all the coaching.
9:16--Mark Jackson calls the Derek Fisher acquisition more significant than the Gasol pickup...can't really say I argue. This is why I like Mark Jackson.
9:17--Bony, frightening-looking brunette in light pink behind Phil Jackson makes me almost yearn for Bill Belichek's latest eye candy, though, given his taste, maybe she IS it.
9:19--The Pirates look to be three outs away from their second straight win--and they took Pedro Alvarez, a fast-track player that addresses a huge need--for once, good news!
9:20--Closer Matt Capps hits the leadoff batter, and your favorite diary-writer changes the channel.
9:21--At the first break of the C's-L's, it's pretty evident that the Lakers have no one to guard KG.
9:24--Radmanovic looks like the fucking Wolfman. Just sayin.
9:28--Astros have gold at the lines, 2 outs, 9th inning...I almost feel like I just jinxed things.
9:29--Flipped back to basketball and was greeted with the omnipresent and mind-bogglingly fucking stupid Dockers San Francisco is what I see. Thought I was done with that now that hockey is over.
9:31--Hunter Pence hits a ball about 398 feet. Unfortunately, it was to dead center, where the fence is 399 feet away. Winner winner, chicken dinner.
9:32--Sasha Vujacic commits his first mildly hard foul of the series, and miraculously, no one tries to kill him.
9:37--Was about to say that the first quarter merits a huge "meh", but then my man Mark Jackson announces that Sam I Am is about to be inserted into the game. I included him in my preview as a joke, which tells you what I think of that move.
9:44--Cassell forces up a jumper after flailing around. Blind squirrel, meet acorn.
9:47--If the Finals were determined by hair, the Lakers would be running away with this one...
9:48--...But they're not, Celtics by 5.
9:51--MJack (my new, "hip" name for him) claims that Kobe is the equal of MJ. I'm no longer on good terms with him.
9:52--Cassell hits another shot...unfathomable.
10:03--Cassell draws a charge on KOBE, of all people. Seriously, someone let me in on the joke.
10:04--Offensive foul on Pierce--that's his third, and that's something of a make-up call.
10:09--Last time I looked, the Lakers were down 7, now they're up 3. I am a very poor live-blogger.
10:13--Randy Moss in the crowd, wearing a pretty sick black and white West Virginia jacket. Nice.
10:14--Jackson, after naming a whole team of all-timers in the building, finishes with, "And Van Gundy to coach." MJack is back on my good side.
10:18--Lakers up 5 at the half, with Bryant going all of 3 for 10. I'd feel good if I was a Lakers fan right now. Then again, I'd also be an unredeemable douche.
10:23--Break time. Jon Barry validates me by saying that the Celtics should be worried.
10:29--The Larry/Magic splitscreen makes me very happy I don't have HD.
Here's a picture of a hot girl, just because.
10:40--Pierce draws contact, buries 3, poof, 4-point play. Detroit fans are surprised he didn't get called for an offensive foul.
10:44--I have to say, for a tie game between two rivals, this game has just been boring to me. Has to be said.
10:46--Paul Pierce goes down and grabs the right calf after Kobe hits a "Don't realize how difficult it is" fall-away. If there were a difficult shot Olympics, I'd give Jordan the Gold, Kobe the Silver, and Larry Legend the Bronze.
Okay, actually Bird gets the Gold.
10:51--Scalabrine helps carry Pierce to the locker room--thanks for coming Brian!
10:53--Perkins gets hurt too, but at least he's walking. Breen calls the Celts a young team; currently they've got Kevin Garnett, age 32, PJ Brown, age 38, Ray Allen, age 33, James Posey, age 31, and Rajon Rondo, age 22. So, what he meant to say is, "Rajon Rondo is young."
10:56--Pierce comes back out to a standing O. He's walking like Kobe Tai after a long day at the office.
11:05--I wish Pau Gasol's name was Paul, so then we wouldn't have this silly debate about the best American-born white player thing anymore.
11:06--Kobe drills a tough fall-away...Kobe is starting to heat up. This is bad for Celts fans.
11:07--Did Breen just call Vujacic likable? He must also be a fan of Nickelback, Creed, Bruce Bowen, and Ugg boots.
11:08--Pierce hits two 3's to make the crowd erupt and then puts a forearm to Kobe. Paul Pierce is my buddy for awhile.
11:11--Through 3, it's the Celtics by 4 and Paul Pierce has all of the sudden become the best player on the floor. Faker.
11:14--So I said that this game was boring, but I have to say, business is starting to pick up. Here's to hoping for an entertaining 4th quarter and a choke by Kobe.
11:18--Celtics by 4, Cassell is in the game, just tossed up an airball, and that's the Cassell I know. I think I'll make some toast.
11:20--I make fun of Eddie House, but he's a damn side better than Cassell, who managed to hit a jumper because no one was within 50 feet of him.
11:21--As Garnett passes out of the double, I think, "Boy, I hope he throws it to Posey." You do not leave James Posey open--he will bang your girlfriend. Celts by 8.
11:24--Cassell rushes a shot, then on the next possession, makes the extra pass...as the shot clock runs out. Ray Allen gets on his case, and what I take from all of this is that Sam Cassell is ugly.
11:28--Lakers staying close while Kobe's out...interesting.
11:36--Seems like it's been 88-82 forever. Can't decide who's missing more shots at this point, Cassell or the entire Lakers team.
11:39--Okay, yeah, I'll go see Get Smart, but only because of Anne Hathaway. I swear that's the only reason.
11:42--Another brick out of Vujacic and this author thinks Kobe won't be letting anyone take shots anymore. Nor should he. Celts by 5.
11:46--Rondo penetrates, remembers the "Open Posey Corollary" and kicks it. Posey even misses open 3's well, as KG is there to flush it down. (Jackson: Give me my poster! I'm the Big Ticket!)
11:51--Celtics by 10 with 16 ticks remaining and this one is OVER. Celtics played great D in the 4th quarter to keep Kobe in check, and played a great 2nd half overall. Fairly entertaining game.
I know this liveblog was rough around the edges with too many notes and not enough funny, but give me time, fair readers, and I'll put something funnier together next time, with plenty more dick jokes, profanity, and less game analysis.
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