8 Mile Rode

Yo yo yo yoooo! What's good CD Shop!! It's ya boy DJ MomJeans an' I hope you ready fo' the battle of the YEAR!

'Fore we get this lil' freestyle underway, I'm 'a give you some background that gives this battle some extra juice, aight? At Friday's Tribe-Tigers game, my main man Fausto Carmona hit Gary Sheffield wit a pitch, and Sheddar Bob responded by glarin' at him as he took first. Well shortly after, Fausto Cent fired a pickoff in Sheddar Bob's direction, so they started yappin' again, an' fisticuffs ensued.


We can't be havin' this violence, people! We gotta treat each other wit respect! You need to settle yo differences without fightin' n' shit. Which is why we here TONIGHT, atcha favorite hip-hop battleground, the CD Shop!

In one corner, we got the nine-time All-Star Sheddar Bob, and in the other corner, we got the hardest Dominican on the planet, Fausto Cent!

DJ, spin that shit!

(Dre's "Nuthin' But A 'G' Thang" pipes through the speakers)


Hey yo steppin' through the fog and creepin' through the smog
It's Sheddar Bob's mother, she's a fat warthog
I used to chase 'em down, down in Santo Domingo
Sheddar Bob's house smells like impoverished gringos
Who the fuck told this toddler he could talk like that
When the whole city of Cleveland has got my back
So go ahead and see where shit-talkin' will get you
If I was 39 and past my prime, I'd be pissed too
If I were you, I wouldn't charge the mound too often
Cuz my right-hook is faster than Kenny Lofton
I spit cyborg shit, I'm a terminator, Sarah
You want to be saved like Mariano Rivera
How many times you gon' charge the mound like a whore?
One? Two? Three-and-to-tha four?
This shit right here's a training day, Officer Hoyt
Hike your skirt up your ass and take it back to Detroit



OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH THAT WAS HOT
But aight, aight, settle down, settle down. Comin' to the mic in response, we got Sheddar Bob! DJ, spin that shit!

(Dre's "Nuthin' But A 'G' Thang" pipes through the speakers)


Ummm, yeah! Ummm, yo! yo! yo! yo! Ummmmm
My name is Sheddar Bob, and I'm here in the house
To, uh, ummm...yeah! yo! yo! yo! yo!
All of you suckers better listen up!
Cuz I'm here to glisten like a styrofoam cup!
Um, wait, I mean, um, I'm harder than that
Er, I act real tough, but I really am
Cuz every morning I wake up and I eat spam!
Oh man! That was good, right?
Yeah! Yo! Yo! Yo! Ummmm
(What did that one rapper do? Oh yeah) ARF ARF ARF
ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF
Uh-huh, and shit! Yeah! Yo! Yo! Yo!



...okaaaay, that was Sheddar Bob!

Now, for the final round, we gotta get yo TIGHTEST shit, but it's gotta be quick! I need just EIGHT lines from each of you! Sheddar Bob gets first crack at the CD Shop! DJ, spin that SHIT!

(Mobb Deep's "Shook Ones Part II" thumps through the speakers)


OK! Now everybody from the Tampa Bay
Put your motherfreaking hands up and say OK!
Uhh, yeah! In the hoooooooooood! ARF ARF
Well, I don't really like Fausto Cent
And, uh I think it's real unkind with the way he went
You better watch out, because I'll defeat you
If, uh, y'know, we, uh
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!


...uh, alright, let's give it up for Sheddar Bob!

But I know my man's got a response to that! One more time, CD Shop, show yo love for Fausto Cent! DJ, SPIN THAT SHIT!

(Mobb Deep's "Shook Ones Part II" thumps through the speakers)


Once upon a time in the CD Shop
Fausto Cent got pissed and some bodies dropped
The first one belonged to a gal named Sheddar
Who lost the battle cuz her lyrics weren't better
I'm all about the game, man, fuck the noise
I don't fuck around with shit like needles and 'roids
It's OK, Sheddar Bob, you need help that's prescripted
My skills are like the rarest triple play: unassisted



OOOOH OOOOOH OOOOOOOOOOOH!! Like Jet said during the 2000 Slam Dunk Contest, IT"S OVAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! It's OVAH!

The winner of this battle, an' the winner of the war, is my man FAUSTO CENT! Let the celebration begin!!


(Mobb Deep's "Shook Ones Part II" keeps piping through the speakers)

Y'all come back to the CD Shop next week, when my No. 1 NBA bigot Chris Berman freestyles against Josh Howard to the beat of the Star-Spangled Banner! GET HYPED Y'ALL! DJ, take us out!

Again? Another "Rivalry" Game? Ah Fuck

Well, I suppose I've got to do this all over again. Yes, by "this" I mean, "Get up for another 'rivalry' game against a team I really couldn't give two and a half shits about."

This week, the Pittsburgh Steelers travel the other direction on the turnpike (Fly Southwest) to face the Philadelphia Eagles of Greater New Jersey. Already, I've gotten e-mails from former co-workers in Philadelphia with such clever subject lines like, "F the Steelers" and "fuck the steelers". Needless to say, with putdowns like that, my self-esteem has been taking quite the beating. Just like last week's soiree in Cleveland, I find myself having trouble taking this game seriously and treating it with appropriate levels of animosity and froth.

Certainly, it's a big game for the Steelers. Every game in the NFL is big. Sure, it's not as big of a game as it would be if they were 0-2 (Hi Cleveland!) or 1-1 (You too, Philly!), but it's a big game nonetheless. Much has been made by people who don't have anything better to do, namely some of my colleagues, that the Steelers haven't won in Philly since roughly the Kennedy administration. This is amazing, and entirely pertinent to this week's contest, as most of the players on both sides were in diapers the last time the Steelers played a regular-season game in the 216. At least, that's probably true. I didn't actually bother to do any research to back that general claim. Know why? I don't care about this game very much.

If the Steelers lose, so what? I put up with a few asinine statements by Philly people for a few days, Brother Love posts something on this blog, 10 people read it, I go on with my life, etc. If the Steelers win, the same thing applies. I don't write about it, because, whoop dee fucking doo, the Steelers are 3-0 and in first place, and really I've got much better things to do with that knowledge than taunt the less fortunate. And believe me, Philly and its citizens are less fortunate. I've never been to a more depressing place on earth (for all you taking notes, this is in fact the part of the post where I begin to bash Philly, but I try to make it subtle and unexpected so that, by the time I'm talking about how residents of Levittown and surrounding communities fuck sheep, you're awfully surprised to see something so profane in such an otherwise lukewarm article).

It's not just that Philly is bordered on one side by a vast, barren wasteland, known to the locals as "New Jersey", it's that it's bordered on the south side and west side by two even more dire places--Delaware (gasp) and suburban eastern Pennsylvania, two places where hope goes to die, or at least have 94% of the life choked out of it. The real thing that sets Philadelphia apart from other shit holes of the country is the attitude adopted by its people, also known as "Philadelphians".

Don't worry kids, Pennsauken's right over that next rise!

The Philadelphian is a pitiable wretch. In most cases, the average Philadelphian will attempt to dodge the actual nature of their relationship to the city, preferring to say, "Oh, I'm from outside of Philly." This phrase, of course, is akin to hearing a woman say, "Oh, I haven't had an outbreak in months." If they're from "outside Philly", they'd damn well better be from Harrisburg, or else I don't want to know them. I wouldn't admit where I was actually from, either, if my town was mainly known for its epic sports failures, propensity for mass aggravated assault, murders, and general proximity to New Jersey.

Just another mayor in waiting

It's easy to feel sorry for Philadelphia, a city that, despite having some damn good food, interesting cultural and historical landmarks, and a few very scenic places, will always be known for chalk outlines, miserable failure, idiot drivers, Angelo Cataldi (someone please shoot this man, along with the rest of the WIP staff), and some fat fuck named "El Wingador", whose picture I won't post, because people with eyes read this blog, and I want to be considerate to them. Yes, it's easy to feel sorry, but I won't, since I don't live there anymore, and have no intention of ever going back, so help me god.

Philly is an armpit, a rectum, a place that should rightfully be walled off and slowly starved to death. It is a stain on America, just like the rest of the eastern seaboard.

Other than that, it's great!

Steelers, 34-21

Way to go, Bichiro

Three cheers for Mariners outfielder Bichiro Suzuki!

In case you didn't hear -- and judging by Seattle's attendance, you haven't! -- Bichiro tied the Major League record by amassing at least 200 hits in eight consecutive seasons. He did so with three hits Wednesday night against Kansas City, matching the Royals' offensive output for the entire month of September in the process.

So what does this have to do with Cleveland or Pittsburgh? Well, about 15 months ago, Bichiro and the Mariners played a makeup game at Jacobs Field after snow assaulted Cleveland during April. Before that trip, our favorite Asian made the following statement through an interpreter:

"To tell the truth, I'm not excited to go to Cleveland, but we have to. If I ever saw myself saying I'm excited going to Cleveland, I'd punch myself in the face, because I'm lying."


Oh Bichiro, you're so funny!

You're also a very talented baseball player, judging by your eight All-Star selections, seven Gold Gloves, one MVP award, one Rookie of the Year award, and single-season record of 262 hits.

It's a resume that would make any baseball fan blush, and this latest achievement only further solidifies your status as one of the greatest hitters in baseball history.

Sure, your quote about Cleveland was unkind and disrespectful, but if you think I'm some kind of petulant five-year-old who still holds a grudge...







...well you're GOD DAMN RIGHT!

The 20 Greatest Moments of Bichiro's Life

20. Bichiro is born in 1973

Actually, it was more fun for his parents. Bichiro was unintended.

19. Bichiro hits the first inside-the-park homer in All-Star history in 2007

Fittingly enough, this totally gay accomplishment happened in San Francisco.

18. Bichiro and the Mariners blow a 12-run lead against the Tribe in 2001

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

17. Bichiro helps Japan win the 2006 World Baseball Classic

Both fans who watched were absolutely enthralled.

16. Bichiro bats .350 with 242 hits in his rookie season

His .222 average and four hits in the ALCS are uber-impressed.

15. Bichiro signs with the Mariners in 2000

He's the first Japanese-born position player in Major League Baseball...and he still can't speak English.

14. Bichiro writes the word "concentration" on his glove as a Little Leaguer

Guess he wanted to honor that World War II entente.

13. Bichiro appears on a Japanese TV drama in 2006

Even Shaquille O'Neal thought his acting sucked.

12. Bichiro collects his 3,000th professional hit in 2008

But some of them came in a lesser league, so he has Bobby Bowden's support.

11. Bichiro breaks a record with his 199th single in 2004

He later celebrates by dropping 199 singles at a strip club.

'Sumwun say scrip club?

10. Bichiro joins the Japanese Baseball Hall of Fame

Raise your hand if you knew the Japanese Baseball Hall of Fame existed.

9. Bichiro leads the Orix BlueWave to the 1996 Japan Series title

Raise your hand if you knew the Japan Series existed.

8. Bichiro is called "the human batting machine" by the Japanese press

Suge Knight adds Bichiro to his posse shortly after.

7. Bichiro and his wife move into the same neighborhood as Bill Gates

Bichiro couldn't figure out Windows Vista even if he spoke English.

6. Bichiro and the Mariners win 116 games in 2001

MLB's ad campaign claims "There's only one October." The same could be said of Bichiro's career.

5. Bichiro appears on the cover of Time Magazine in 2004

Clearly, there wasn't much going on at the time.

4. Bichiro ties the record by amassing 200 hits in eight straight seasons

It's a victory for arbitrary statistics everywhere.

3. Bichiro hits .505 in high school

But just .105 with the ladies.

2. Bichiro signs a five-year contract extension in 2007

He won't actually receive all $90 million until 2032. Maybe he'll be able to speak English by then.

1. Bichiro moves to Cleveland

He punches himself unconscious. The midges take care of the rest.

YOU'RE ALL REALLY FUCKED NOW

NBA news has been kind of slow lately, as players are staying out of the public eye and getting back to work as training camp approaches. So naturally, ESPN is filling the void with its tabloid trump card: LeBron James' future.

A panel of 25 ESPN contributors were asked where LeBron would be in the summer of 2010, when he can opt out of his contract. Cleveland received 11 votes, the most of any site, while New Jersey received eight and New York five (one dolt picked Detroit, a senile vote that screams Dr. Jack Ramsay).

My friends call me Moon Unit

These days, ESPN's writers/editors/analysts/blowhards are at least accepting the possibility of LeBron remaining in Ohio, but many still want him to leave, and they're admitting it. They want him with the Knicks, or the Nets, or the Mavericks, or in Europe. Well listen up, you heathens. Instead of wondering who LeBron will join in 2010, how about wondering this: Who will join LeBron?

I recently came across a scintillating proposition by Patrick McManamon of the Akron Beacon-Journal. There's a good chance that not only will LeBron stay in Cleveland, but another superstar will join him. The Cavs are the only team in position to sign two superstars that summer. Why? Because we already have one superstar (who, by the way, will leave $20 million on the table if he doesn't re-sign with us), and we're the only team with the cap space to sign another.

Wally Szczerbiak's $13 million albatross will likely be dumped by the trade deadline this year, and Eric Snow stands to earn the last of his heinous contract this season. Big Z has a player option after this season, but he doesn't have more than two years left as a starter anyway. Anderson Varejao probably won't be a Cavalier by this time next year, and Sasha Pavlovic and Ben Wallace will choke $38 million out of us the next two years before their deals expire.

That leaves just four guaranteed contracts for 2010-11: Mo Williams, Daniel Gibson, J.J. Hickson and Delonte West, who inked a three-year deal last weekend. Everyone's been blah-blah-blahing about how teams are positioning themselves for the free-agent feast of summer 2010, but the Nets and Knicks are floundering. LeBron says he values winning above all else, and the only team that's ready to make a splash and win right away is Cleveland, who will have a ho-hum total of 70 MILLION DOLLARS to spend that season.

I'm drooling on my keyboard as I write this. Imagine if LeBron re-signed, and Chris Bosh or Dwyane Wade or Amare Stoudemire joined him. It would be patently absurd. It would be video-game unfair. We'd be building around two superstars, a point guard who gets 17 and 6 per night, a pair of proven clutch performers, and a blossoming young forward. And none of them would be more than 27 years old.

That about sums it up

Not only would they end Cleveland's championship curse, they'd go '60s Celtics on the rest of the NBA. They'd unleash Hurricane Hardwood. An 11th commandment would be written: Thou Shall Not Fuck With the Cavaliers. It was no joke when LeBron baptized Kevin Garnett in the playoffs "WITH NO REGARD FOR HUMAN LIFE!" LeBron is an unstoppable killer, and he'd be the leader of a team of genetically engineered supermen.

Yeah I'll take on the Cavs, right after Spock drops logic

I know why Cleveland has suffered for so long. It's so clear to me now. All these are-you-fucking-kidding-me moments have been leading up to the summer of 2010, when the Cavs will assemble the greatest collection of basketball talent in history and win 12 straight NBA titles.

The fantasy is flipping from LeBron on another team to the Cavaliers on another level. A high-low game with LeBron and Chris Bosh would make John Stockton and Karl Malone cry. LeBron and Amare Stoudemire would turn every game into a slam-dunk contest. If Dwyane Wade joined LeBron, the Cavs would have two players with the wingspan of an airplane, the drive of a Terminator and the leaping ability of a velociraptor.

This realistic possibility has me more pumped than ever. No more woe-is-me shit about LeBron leaving and winning a title elsewhere. The only way he doesn't win a title in Cleveland is if we win it on the Western Conference champions' floor.

So to all you anti-Cleveland people, keep firing your guns. I'm not saying we can dodge bullets.

I'm saying that after the summer of 2010, we won't have to.

And Now for Something Probably the Same as Everything Else

As part of Creative Differences' ongoing effort to create content that is more streamlined, soulless, and devoid of any real emotion or originality, I'll be contributing a weekly (let's go with Tuesday) column all about the NFL. And by NFL, I mean the Steelers. It'll be like DJMJ's ABC's column, only not as good (that means it'll REALLY suck--just kidding Mom Jeans). It'll also be like a Peter King MMQB column, except I'll never talk about coffee, things I "learned" about football that I didn't know before, or any of that other shit that you'd expect to find in a book from a sorority reading list.

This column will not be a weekly voyage of self-discovery where you, the reader, and I, the asshole try to help each other better understand the goings-on of your favorite team with a gay mascot. It's really just going to be an opportunity for me to put more words on the site so that it looks better to Google. Perhaps someone other than the other authors of this blog can even comment on it once in awhile so that it looks like we have more than 10 readers. I promise not to pontificate about stuff you don't care about. I promise that when I run out of Steelers stuff to write about, I'll think of something really funny to post, or I'll just put up a picture of a hot chick.

I'm not asking much from you, dear reader(s). All I want is a chance to make a mediocre column that you can sorta kinda maybe enjoy at least til the part 2/3 of the way through reading that I'll sorta kinda maybe enjoy at least til I run out of ideas writing. Get all that? Good, then you're ready for tonight's first ever edition of...

THE COLUMN WITHOUT A NAME (Catchy Suggestions Welcome!)

The ABCs: Week 2

Anyone who knows me will tell you the Pittsburgh Steelers are the only sports team I truly hate. With the exception of the Steelers and Art Modell, I really don't have anything against any particular team, athlete or executive. I make fun of everyone, sure, but don't confuse hating on with pure hating. That doesn't make me a better fan or anything. It's just the way I am.

Imagine, then, how I feel about losing 10 straight games against Pittsburgh, many in gut-wrenching fashion. It's terrible. I'm actually past the point of getting steam-spewing pissed about it. These days, I just get deflated. Seriously, it's as if someone pokes me with a sharp object and my whole body just sags into itself and slumps to the floor.

For the time being, I've managed to pull myself up to my laptop, so for the second week of the season, let me spell it out for you.

Again. We had a good chance to beat the Steelers. Again. We didn't capitalize. Again. And we lost to the Steelers. Again.

Biggest fuckup of the night goes to the secondary, for allowing the 31-yard pass to Hines Ward in the third quarter when we had Pittsburgh pinned on the 2 with its back against the Dawg Pound. You can't ask for much better from the defense overall, but that play really hurt.

Can we please get Mike Adams off the field? Is he really the third-best safety on our roster??

"Coverage"? Coach, you're not my insurance agent

Deep down, I have a horrible feeling the Browns are going to beat the Steelers in Week 17 because the game won't mean anything to either of us. They'll be AFC North champs and we'll be eliminated from the playoffs. Straight up, I would rather lose 20 consecutive significant games to the Steelers than get one bullshit win.

Everyone in the stadium was booing the decision to kick the field goal with 3:24 remaining instead of going for it on fourth-and-7. As tough as it was, I agree 100 percent with Romeo Crennel. Failing to convert on fourth down would have been disastrous, and the Steelers had struggled to run the ball in the second half.

For the second straight game, Shaun Rogers played out of his mind. The Steelers had to double-team him a lot, and even then, holding him was the only way they could stop him consistently, which drew several calls. I really, really like that trade so far.

Good God, Romeo, do you try to waste time in late situations?

The only seconds I like are at the dinner table!

Hines Ward had the dropsies all night, which is extremely uncharacteristic, even considering the wet conditions. He probably won't have a game like that again, so it's just another opportunity we missed tonight. Isn't that just DUCKY.

Interceptions have been Derek Anderson's bogus operandi lately. He's thrown seven in his last four games, including tonight's butt-plugging pick by Troy Polamaluoamoaou on the 2-yard line late in the first half.

Just once, I'd like to beat the Steelers. Is that too fucking much to ask?

Kellen Winslow is exactly the kind of player we need to beat the Steelers. He's extremely talented, he won't back down against any of them, and if he makes a mistake, it only adds more fuel to his considerable fire. If all 53 Browns played the Steelers like Kellen Winslow has the last two games, we'd have beaten them by now.

Let me be the first to declare Willie McGinest finished. He was too slow to catch Ben Toothlessberger on that decisive scramble in Pittsburgh last year, and he got pushed around again tonight. Whatever veteran leadership he provides isn't balancing out his shitty play on the field.

Michael Phelps was in the house tonight, and DJMJ favorite Al Michaels said that he's good friends with Braylon Edwards. Maybe that's why Edwards has been playing like such a pussy this year.

New defensive coordinator Mel Tucker has taken a page from Dick LeBeau's playbook. Did you see all those zany blitzes the Browns launched tonight?

First we'll blitz a safety, than all four linebackers, then members of the coaching staff, then fans from the Dawg Pound, all the way to the Super Bowl!! BYAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Once Josh Cribbs shakes that nagging ankle injury, he'll become dangerous again. Tonight, he just looked average.

Protecting Derek Anderson was a big key tonight, and the offensive line did well. Also, our defensive line got a good amount of pressure on Roethlisberger. I'm anxious to find out more about Corey Williams' injury, though.

Quite honestly, I was thrilled with the defense tonight. Sure, we had a few poor plays, but the Steelers only gained 281 yards, and it was more than the sloppy weather. I still think we need a better cornerback than Brandon McDonald opposite Eric Wright, but once Brodney Pool and Sean Jones finally get on the field together, we're set.

Receiving corps is still an issue, since Donte Stallworth missed another game tonight and Joe Jurevicius is still out. Braylon Edwards looked better, and Syndric Steptoe found a couple of seams, but we'll have to see if that lasts more than one game.

So I'll probably regret admitting this, but after the first half ended so shitty, I started thinking to myself "at least the Cavs open camp in two weeks."

Undefeated against Pittsburgh since entering the NBA

The Browns and Ohio State combined to score nine points in losing big games this weekend. If you root for both teams, your life sucks.

Until now, I thought Eric Wright was our best defensive back. But Brodney Pool has officially changed my mind. Dude is money.

Venture a guess how many penalties were called against the Steelers' secondary tonight. Give up? One, an illegal contact call on Bryant McFadden. Steelers fans will never admit it, but their secondary gets away with more shit than any other team in the league. Don't shove that "good physical play" argument down my throat. Pittsburgh's cover guys play dirty. Period.

When we make it through a game without a single egregious fuckup, I'll strip naked and breakdance through Beverly Hills.

Xerox the play that resulted in Winslow out-jumping Polamalu for a first down. It has good vibes.

You don't give a shit about the Eagles-Cowboys game Monday night? Me neither!

Zero sympathy for the Browns. So we lost our first two games. So we're a bit banged up. So we have two straight road games in the division. Big whoop. Time to toughen up and start the playoff push.


We're coming, you aborted fetus of a franchise.

Sometimes the truth isn't good enough

As we speak, The Dark Knight is beginning to settle down after rolling like a juggernaut through box office record after box office record. With $513 million in its domestic pocket, chances are good the only record The Dark Knight won't break is Titanic's $600 million haul.

The reason it's making so much money is the oldest reason in the book. It's not just loud explosions, or sexy stars, or Batman's built-in audience. There's craft behind this commercialism. The production values are just that: values. Between the impeccable cast, expert direction, near-religious subject matter and old-fashioned bravado, The Dark Knight is just plain unstoppable.

The Steelers have been almost as unstoppable against the Browns lately, and it's because the Steelers have consistently put together craft in a league of commercialism.

Winning nine straight games against a rival isn't always about where you're playing, or who's playing, or what you're calling. It's about ignoring the hype, and working hard and staying level with regards to what you're doing, which helps you weather adversity and maintain success. We had the Steelers dead to rights in Cleveland two years ago, only to watch Willie Parker score two touchdowns to erase a 20-10 deficit in the fourth quarter. You wanna tell me he didn't learn at least part of that resolve by playing with Jerome Bettis? After the Browns lost 31-28 at Heinz Field last November, I couldn't find a single Steelers fan who'd look me in the eye and tell me their team deserved to win the game. But they still did.

Go ahead and call it woulda-coulda-shoulda. Better yet, go ahead and call it jealousy, because as much as I hate to admit it, nothing is closer to the truth. I want to win five Super Bowls, I want to be considered an AFC favorite every year, I want to beat Pittsburgh so much I don't even consider it a big game, and I want to sustain the kind of success the Steelers have.

I also want to be proud of my football team, and the Browns don't usually give me or any other fan a reason to feel that way. I'm not sure Steelers fans really know what they've got. It must be nice when the biggest complaint you can muster about your quarterback is that he overblows injuries. We haven't been able to find a quarterback who can win the division, let alone the Super Bowl. If the Browns' offense fails, we struggle to win because we can't stop anybody. If the Steelers' offense fails, they still have a good chance to win because Tricky Dicky can dial up blitzes that register on the Fujita scale.

So what exactly does this have to do with The Dark Knight?

Well, the Browns haven't looked so hot after last year's surprise 10-6 season, which naturally has us fans thinking 2007 was a mirage. But even if it was, it's something we deserved.

At the end of The Dark Knight, Batman makes a staggering realization: he was never a traditional hero, he was only what Gotham needed him to be. As silly as it may sound, I think pro sports franchises act in the same way.

If you screw up something at work, a win by your favorite baseball team can make you feel better. When you meet someone new and you don't know what to talk about, rooting for the same team provides an instant dialogue. Going to a basketball game can give you something to do on a weeknight. And I'm sure there are a few New York Giants fans who can tell you sports provide some of the most memorable moments of your life.

Whether you're happy, sad, angry, bored, confused, frustrated, content, disatisfied, nervous, or excited, your sports teams are whatever you need them to be.

Batman was a hero when Gotham needed one. Once the Joker obliterated Harvey Dent (and therefore, Gotham's hope), Batman knew he had to take responsibility for Dent's death and the men he killed. He tells Jim Gordon to hunt him down, "...because that's what needs to happen. Because sometimes the truth isn't good enough. Sometimes people deserve more. Sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded."

I can sit here and post as many farks as I want, but the reality is this: beating Pittsburgh Sunday night would not only end this Godawful nine-game losing streak, it would also legitimize us, because no league is more what-have-you-done-for-me-lately than the NFL. People would look at us as a serious challenger not just in the division, but maybe in a watered-down AFC as well.

Whether that's right or wrong isn't the point. After years and years of suffering, our team made strides in 2007, and even if those strides aren't as big as we think, a win over the Steelers would make them feel gargantuan. It would give us bragging rights for 15 weeks, and it would help us feel like we truly matter in the one sport that matters most to Cleveland.

Like Batman said, sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded.

Go Browns.