Pittsburgh Pie-Rats Position Preview: First Base

The first of many exercises in self-flagellation, this is your look at the first basemen that will attempt to lead the Pittsburgh Pirates to the promised land that is 81-81. Like virtually every other position on the Pirates, first base is woefully manned. In theory, the Bucs have a competent starter in Adam LaRoche, but then again, in theory I'm a prestigious venture capitalist with a fleet of gold-plated Lamborghinis and a gaggle of specially bred Chinese fighting geese.

Typical

The Pirates don't really have anyone behind LaRoche. This actually isn't a huge problem from June 1 onward, as LaRoche straps on his spandex tights and mask that grant him powers of competency. April and May are a different story. You look at LaRoche’s stats overall and you see a guy hitting around .270 or .275, giving you about 22-25 homers, and knocking in 80-90 runs. You’d look at that and think, “Oh, this guy’s not so bad, he’s a decent first baseman.”

Wrong.

In April and May I’d rather have AIDS playing first base than Adam LaRoche. He hits in the low .100s with pretty much no power during these months. What’s worse, he usually doesn’t even make contact, and if he manages to not strike out, he rolls over a grounder to first base. The coaches say it’s all mental, and that they expect him to break through in the early season sooner or later. I say, “BULLSHIT.” Adam LaRoche is a major-league baseball player, and even resembles one for four months of the year, so I’m going to go ahead and remove “mental hurdles” as a possible cause of him being worse than a blind four-year-old for the other two months.

See me bitching like I just did? That’s the Pirates first base situation. What does it say about them that they don’t even have another player worth mentioning at this position?

Sigh.